06/16/11

UP!  Mariano and Erika are gonna pick me up around noon.  In what?  What will they pick me up in you ask????  Oh, you know…just a jacked up TRUCK!!!  HA!  YES!!!!!  Yea, one of those that has a step so you can actually get into it!  DREEEEEAAAAMY!!!!  Good thang I was wurin’ ma’ boots!

I haven’t seen Mariano since…high school…which was…ugh…20 years ago.  Ouch!  20 years, man!  20 YEARS!  And he’s still the same!!!  Well, he’s not all lanky and skinny anymore since he’s a navy diver, but still crazy sweet and amazing.  So yea.  That’s real nice.  How come everyone I knew back then got all buff and stuff?  Kasper was the same way!  Where’s MY buff??!!  Tssssssss…I just seemed to have gotten more lanky.

We pull into downtown San Diego to get lunch and have to park in a parking garage.  See, usually Mariano is on his bike (motorcycle), so he doesn’t have an issue parking, but this truck can’t just randomly pull into some spot on the side of the road.  Oh.  And don’t forget that we’re in a jacked up truck…yea.  So we pull into a garage and we hit the 6’-8” height restriction with … something…meh?  Whatever, just do it.  The whole way up to the top the antenna decides to hit every carrying beam in the place.  Wow.  That’s embarrassing!  And we did get out and check at one point on the way back down.  We had at LEAST 4 inches from the top of the roof of the truck to the concrete beams of the garage.  Plenty of space!  WAAAAHAHAHA!

Lunch at TGIF with beer and talks and jokes and fun.  Erika recorded a ton of stuff…I’m not too sure I want to see it, but Mariano is a film editor too (in his spare time), so I’m sure it’ll be awesome!  Then we walk around a bit and go into this mall, which is unlike any mall us Eastern folk have been it!  It’s 3 floors and completely open to the elements!  WOW!!!!  There’s even a food court!  Craziness! 

Now we’re gonna go back to my hotel so I can grab my swimsuit and a change of clothes, because we want to go out dancing after we swim in the pool where Mariano lives! 

Pacific Beacon.  Military base.  I haven’t been on a base since 1993 and I just have to say that it feels like home.  I don’t know why, but just driving through the gate and then walking to the store…yea.  That’s home.  I probably should have joined the military, huh?  Naaaaahhhhh…that wouldn’t have been a good idea!  ;) 

But they’re all so YOUNG!  The GIs!  Were they always this young?  Is that dude even old enough to be buying beer??!!!  Oh.  Crap.  I’m getting old huh?  As a side note, I decided to wear my Army shirt this day.  Whoops!  Hey Amber!  How ‘bout you walk around a naval base with an Army shirt on.  Betcha you’ll make fast friends with that ‘un! 

So here’s the base and military housing.  Military house has changed a wee bit since I last saw it.  Yep.  It’s all purdy and clean and modern and they have a Subway in the building and a fancy lobby and roof top swimming pools and roof top jacuzzis…yea.  Changed just a bit from dorm room style housing for Gis.  We were gonna go swimming and hang out in the jacuzzi, but it seems as if everybody else had that same idea and there is no way in hell I am getting into my swimsuit and hanging around a bunch of Navy dudes.  Nope.  Nuh un.  Not gonna do it!  How about we just hang in your apartment (with a balcony) and have a beer and then go up to the pool and hang out there on the side (fully clothed)!  YAY!  I gots ta’ learn some Swedish too!!!  The sounds come from the back of your throat.  It’s difficult and it sounds like you’re saying the same letter over and over again, but they can tell the difference! 

It was an awesome day and night (nite and day cue:  Kid Cudi) other than the fact that those dudes have NO IDEA what good music is!  Tsssssss.  C’on now.  What is this slow bad R&B that you are playing??!!  OH!  Journey!  Ok, that’s fine…nononononono!  Don’t change it!  DAH!!! 

Mariano had 1 beer too many we think and there’s no way he is gonna drive me back to my hotel!  Nope!  Adventure to end the night?  Call a random cab, walk to the side gate, and drive to the hotel!!!!  Crush hug Mariano and Erika before you leave though as Mariano is informing the cab driver that he needs to treat me like royalty and that he will NEVER have someone more important in his cab.  Because he’s got Ambah D in the backset.  V.I.P. brothah!  (hearts)!!!!!! 

20 years don’t mean nuthin’ when you’re with crew.

06/15/11

Why are there no coffee shops in the rest of the country???!!!

I get to the desert around 10:30 am and find the ranger station.  Well, it’s closed but there are some kids working on pulling up plants nearby…can you tell me where the trail starts purdy please?  No one seems to know where the trail starts.  Really??  How is that possible?  Even if you are just volunteering, shouldn’t you know where the main trail is?  One of the kids tells me to go ask “that guy”.  I turn around, turn back to the kid and say…um…there ain’t no one there, hon.  Are you feeling ok?  AAAAHAHAHA!  Ok.  That got a smile.  Phew!  They are human!!!  The ranger tells me where the trail starts (oh and this ranger is maybe 21.  Maybe.)  I would like to be a ranger please.  He gets really excited that I’m going to hike it.  (snarf) perhaps they don’t get many hikers up here in the desert!

Here I am hiking and it’s flat and you have to walk around what is called “Hole in the Wall”.  I discover some wild animal poo!  YAY!  What is this??  It’s all braided and loopy and piled ever so neatly!  Hmmmmmm…I turn a corner and BAM!  The rock is AMAZING!  It’s huge and looks like swiss cheese!  WOW!  The trail leads right into the center of it!  Aweshum!  So I’m exploring all the little crevices and such and looking at all the birds flying in and out of the holes in the rocks up top when…I loose the trail…’cause it’s rock, see…and there aren’t any signs or apparent trails.  Ohhhhkay.  I’ll walk this way!  I know I have to loop aboot to get back to the ranger station which is this way…right?  Up some rocks, into this wee lil’ cavern area (I had to put my camera away because it was so small and I needed both hands) and then???  A WALL!  Kind of…with…metal loops sticking out from the side.  Oh.  Um.  Ok.  I see, it’s this kind of trail, huh?  Now I’m mountain climbing!  YAY!!!!  So it’s only like 8’, but it was AWESOME!!!  I got so excited!  Like a small child who just got to ride the tea-cups for the first time!  Luckily no one was there twirling me about!  That would have been difficult for climbing!  Now I’m in what looks like a real trail, still rock, but at least it looks like it goes somewhere…around this corner and dead end…with ANOTHER wall with metal loops!  AH!  UP! UP! UP!  Best hike EVAH!!!!  The most amazing thing about Hole in the Wall is that a volcano erupted 18 million years ago (8?)—well darn.  I’ve forgotten now, but I labeled one of my pictures with the correct date, so it’s somewhere here…18 or 8 million whatever it is, that sure was a long time ago!  Anyway!  This volcano erupts and ash goes flying everywhere…’cause it’s a volcano…them are big!!!  The lava stops a few miles from the Mojave Desert BUT!  The ash lands here…and…you should sit down now…the ash lands here at Hole in the Wall and FORMS THESE GIGANTIC FORMATIONS OF “ROCK”!!!!!!!!!!  WHA???!!!!  Yea, it’s true.  This is all ash rock stuff.  Unbelievable.  I just had to sit down again. 

Nature—you sure are mind blowin’!!!

Alright, so now I’m going to take the back loop in the desert to see the sand dunes!  Before I leave I ask the ranger what sort of wild animal poo it was that I saw.  (snarf)…wild COW!  HA!  Of course, Amber!  You take a photo of wild cow poops!  AAAHAHAHAHA! 

I’m following the map.  It’s easy see…it just does a loop that’s about 10 miles at most…driving on pavement…and then…there’s a gate (it’s open) and the road looks a bit different after the gate.  There are 3 men on the side talking and it looks like they are wearing official t-shirts so I stop.  I ask them if I’m on the right track here and if the road leads to where I wanna go.  Yep.  Just follow this road and take a left at the end.  You can’t miss it.  I look at the road and ask if my Element will be ok.  Oh, yea!  They just graded the road!  You’re all set!  Phew.  Thanks!

Alright now.  This you see is NOT a road!  It’s the actual desert and at parts, well wind happens and sand blows and GOOSH!  You’re driving on loose sand!  WHHHEEEEEE!!!  Which is like snow, really.  You just have to be aware and accommodate for the no traction part.  YIKES!  It’s ok.  Imma really wanting my Jeep right now though!

In the distance I see a huge brown thing.  Is it????  Naw, that’s just a water tower, it’s way too big to be…AH!  It IS!!!!!!  It’s a frickin’ WILD COW!!!!!!!!!!!!  Holy crap!!!  And he’s all big with horns, so I slow down to get him on video tape.  I should really get out of the car though so it’s not so bumpy and get a good shot of him.  Oh.  But now he’s staring at me…um…and this is the point where Amber thinks (and says on video), do cows attack?  Is he gonna rush my car?????  Why is he staring at me like that?!  AHHHH!!!  Ok, so I’ll keep driving.  AND WOW!  I just saw a COW!  In the DESERT!  WHA??!!  And…………MORE!!  There are like 20 of them all walking and eating and off the side of the road with no fence.  And poof!  They go down into a crevice which you can’t even see.  It looks all flat, but obviously there’s something there that dips down because all the cows have “disappeared”.  Oh, great.  Yea.  Now I sound like a completely crazy person with cows in the desert and them disappearing and…nooooooooo, they didn’t talk to me or fly over my car.  And yes, I’m hydrated and just had a V8 juice, so I’m pretty sure it was real.  Um……..yea.  Yes.  It was real, promise!  I’d tell you to look at the video as proof, but I just watched it and the “cow” looks like a bug smashed on my windshield.  Humph.  Well, you’re just gonna have to believe me.

And now I’m at the turn off for the sand dunes.  You thought that first road was bad?  This one you can’t drive over 5 MPH because it’s so frackin’ bumpy.  I get half way down the road and decide that since I saw the Great Sand Dunes in Colorado, I don’t actually need to be up close and personal with these.  So I turn around (barely), take a couple pictures and creep my way back to the paved road again.

I was just told (because it’s late June now) that if you climb up the sand dunes there, strip down to your birfday suit, and slide down, the sand dunes make this BOOMING noise as you go!!!!!!  WOW!  Wha??!!!  Ok, next time.  I’m totally doing that! 

Now?  San Diego!  GO!  Mariano Lorde lives in San Diego and since I missed Jose, I NEED to at least see Mariano!  I pull into a gas station and text him that I’m about ½ hour from the city!  Hold tight, Amber…let’s see what we can do.  So here I am sitting outside of a gas station having another tailgate party, which consists of me drinking Vitamin Water and eating a cheese stick, when I realize that the sun is getting pretty low and that there are an awful lot of big trucks just slowly going through the parking lot…um…ok.  I need to get out of here.  But before I leave I would really love it if one of you cruised by blasting Coolio’s Gangsta’s Paradise.  Please?  Yes?  HA!  YES!  There it is!!!  AAAAHAHAHAHA!  Aweshum!!!  K.  Bye!

8:30 pm:

Hotel Circle off the highway (oh, hey!  That’s convenient…betcha I can find a hotel here!).  Mariano and his wife, Erika are too tired to go out tonight, so we make plans for tomorrow.  Which is totally fine, since I hiked in the desert today and then drove to San Diego, so um…Amber is a bit “ripe” as they say and also tired. 

SAN DIEGO CALIFORNIA!!!  WOW!!!!!!!!!!

06/14/11

YAY!  UP!  And now to go to the desert!  Mojave Desert that is!  Yep!

Don’t get sidetracked though…with Bedrock.  Yes, as in Flinstones.  I guess it’s located in Williams, AZ about ½ hour from the Grand Canyon.  Who knew??  Five bucks to get in.  Done.

Oh.  Wow.  Creepy.  It’s this huge field with lifesize replicas of the Bedrock town including the homes of Barney and Fred.  Equipped with furniture inside the homes.  And you know that stuff you can buy at the craft store?  Yea, you know the stuff.  It comes in a spray can and on the outside it says “make it stone”!  I think maybe these folks bought out all of it!  EVERYTHING is coated in it.  Chairs, tables…who ARE you people??!!  It’s basically deserted here.  Luckily a family walked into the gift shop after me with their children.  Maybe they’ll come into this part with me?  Huh.

Envision Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Blair Witch, but with lots of sun and desert and heat…that’s what it felt like walking through this “town”.  Well, at least there were a lot of photo opportunities for me!  And goats!!!  They had 2 goats!  I so needed to steal them, but I couldn’t figure out how to get them out until the boy got so upset that he almost broke himself out for me!  I would like a goat please.  When I get back?  As a present for me?  Yes?  You will get me a rescued goat?  A gray one with big horns would be fantastic.  Thanks!  Ok, so after the dude who was watering the plants (??—um…it’s a desert dude) asked me if I wanted my picture taken with any of the stuff, I decided I should go.  Hmmmmm. 

I drive and drive and gets tired.  My destination point is Needles, CA (Rt. 66).  ANNNNDDDD!  Arrived!  It was a short uneventful day (except for the scary Flinstone village), but it’s hot.  I get a room at the Budget Inn—as a side note, if you see a sign for the Budget Inn, don’t stay there.  I have been to three so far and they have become progressively worse.  Motel 6 is the same price, but clean, so just stay in a corporate hotel or a mom & pop one off of Rt. 66.  Pass by Budget Inn.

6:00 pm:

It’s 106 degrees.  It’s 6 o’clock at night!  WHA??!!  I go to get beer at the gas station where I’m pretty sure the scary dude from Silence of the Lambs walked in to fill his travel container up with gas.  Yea.  That’s frightening when your back is turned and you here someone say “I just need to fill this up” in the voice of “she put’s it in the basket…”  UGH!  I just about turned and punched him in order to get away, boy, that would have been embarrassing, huh?  Stupid movies, making me all paranoid.  I don’t even have my night vision goggles on me!  GAH!  Ready to get back to the hotel.  And…as a side note:  If you see any sort of liquid on the road in the desert, please drive crazy slow.  Yea.  I hit a puddle.  WHA??!!  Where did this puddle come from??!!  And then proceeded to PEEL OUT of the gas station REALLY LOUDLY!!!!!!!  Not on purpose!  I drive like an old lady!  Sheesh!  It’s just all the oils and stuff collect on the road and once it gets wet, well, it’s like pure ice and then you hit dry pavement and your tires are wet and it makes this AMAZING sound like you are rehearsing for a part on Knight Rider!  Yep.  Whoops! 

06/13/11

7:00 am:

UP! UP! UP!  And there’s fresh coffee and toast and fruit and oatmeal!!  YAY!  I’m at the dining table updating my blog and a young man from Japan sits down with me.  He’s going to school in San Diego and it’s…HIS BIRTHDAY!!!!  He’s all alone because he’s doing an eighteen day tour of the US.  WHOA!  So I was more than happy to get real excited about his birthday…and then let everyone who passed by or sat with us know that it was his birthday!  YAYAYAYAYAY!  Luis came to sit with us too.  He’s been sleeping in the woods to defragment; his car is broken though so he has to get it fixed, which is why he’s back at the hostel.  Luis is recording his dreams and pushing out all of the old dialog that is in his head in order to make room for positive thoughts and dialog that he will now encounter.  Awesome!

So I’m outside now because the sun is warm and I would like to have my coffee in the sun and just sit.  I join Chris at the table.  He works here and is crazy nice.  Then Dave shows up (he has a guitar) and they talk about Jessie (who’s staying in the hostel) and how he left his room a frickin’ mess!  Like gross mess with food and stuffs. 

Dave looks over at me and says that he wishes he knew the 311 song “Amber” so that he could play it for me.  Awwwwwwww!  OH!  I have a fancy phone!  Can you play something after hearing it?  YEA??  Ok!  GO!  And he did.  Wow.  Best morning ever.  Thank you. 

I have to go to the Grand Canyon now…sorry guys…I really don’t want to go because you are making me feel like I’m at home and we’ve known each other forever, but I so need to go otherwise I will just stay here and have to call Chad to tell him to move to Flagstaff with me.  Ok.  Tear yourself away. 

The guy at the coffee shop said he just made me the best black-eye chai he has ever made just for me and that he made sure there was just enough love in it.  Wow.  Yea.  Flagstaff.  Gimmie.  I believe rolls have been reversed and Flagstaff just unicorned ME!  Score!

11:45 am:

The Grand Canyon.  I won’t talk too much about this because there is no possible way I can convey the feeling that you get when you first lay eyes on this wonder.  Just know that I immediately started crying and did not stop for 2 hours.  That type of cry where you are staring and the tears just goosh out of your eyeballs and you don’t realize it.  Wow.  Just wow.  A quiet wow.  So why does the average person only spend 15 minutes here??!!  How is that even possible???  Oh!  I see!  You marathon walk it…yea.  Don’t bother looking at all.  It’s just some canyon thing that’s MILLIONS OF YEARS OLD!!!!!!!! 

I sat on a bench to recoup at one point and this older guy walks up with his wife and asks if he can share the bench with me.  Of course!  Then he looks out and says “amazing, isn’t it?”  Well, hey there crazy Amber!  Yea!  Right now would be a great time for you to start crying again!  AAAAHAHAHA.  Whoop!  Tony looks at me and gets genuinely concerned and asks if I’m ok.  I tell him yea, but I just can’t handle the magnitude of this.  Tony and Lily Taylor.  They’re from Florida and they’re biking (like motorcycle biking) to Las Vegas for a wedding.  We talk about bikes and road trips and Tony tells me that I need to stop by Florida on the way back so he can teach me how to ride and so they can show me the beaches and ocean.  Wow!  And he was super sincere!  Not weird at all!  Yes, I will stop by someday…and maybe I’ll be all together when you see me next.

Time unknown:

Somehow I force myself to leave the Grand Canyon.  I need to sleep someplace now…maybe I’ll go into town and see what they’ve got.  OH!  Look!  An overpriced hotel just for me!!  And Joann at the front desk?  She was SO mean!  I don’t understand!  All attitude and snobby and just generally bitchy.  I asked about internet too…they have it…I get to my room and try to log in.  HA!  Guess what??!!  You need a frackin’ code to get in.  So, um…if someone asks about internet wouldn’t you actually give them the code so they wouldn’t have to walk allllll the way back to get it?  I weren’t too happy.  I decided to channel my dad and a wee bit of passive aggressiveness.

Do you need a code to get on the internet?

Yes.

So when I asked about it earlier…

What?

Thanks for giving me the code when I checked in so I wouldn’t have to walk all the way back here.

What are you talking about?

Yea.  Again.  Thanks.  You’ve been real helpful tonight. (evil glare with flared nostrils)

And then I vaulted over the counter and punched her.  Naw, I didn’t.  I takes a lot to get me this worked up nowadays, so Joann?  You’re on my list, hon.

06/12/11

7:30 am:

UP!  And a unicorn name generator on Facebook?  Yes please!  Helliboirne Pretty Filly.  Thassa my name now:

She is very lucky and always succeeds
She is pretty as a picture and she casts spells if plenty and bounty!!

Ok, so now?  Sue and I are gonna sit by the pool alllllll day!  And swim and then sit again, then swim.  I know!  It’s rough!!!

2:00 pm:

Pack it up, pack it in…hit the road again!  And I crushed Sue so hard!!  The bears wanted to sit at the pool for a bit, so I let them.  They’re so cute!!

5:40 pm:

Flagstaff!  Sue told me to stop here, so here I am!  Almost to the Grand Canyon, but I’m tired, so let’s see what we gots.  OH!  A hostel?  Yea!  We should try that out!  This is the Dubeau Hostel and it’s AWESHUM!  If you need to stay in Flagstaff, AZ, stay here!  The people are crazy friendly, they have private rooms or bunk rooms, and they have a full kitchen that you can use!  They also have the internets without wires!  I unpack and have a dinner of tortilla wraps and peanut butter.  MMMMMMMMM!  Kitchen?  Tsssss.  Whatever!  Silly Amber!  I go outside to have a beer in the back courtyard and BAM!  WOW!  It’s COLD!!!  Like 50 degrees!  WHA??!!!  Ok, so I gots to go back inside and get some pants on and a sweatshirt…oh, I was wearing a skirt, sillies!  I wasn’t walkin’ round with nothin’ on my bottom parts!  HA!

In my room putting on my jeans and…HOLY OW!!!!!!!!!!  That there?  That is yet another sunburn right on my thighs and belly.  (sigh)  What is WRONG with you AMBER??!!!  Come on now!  Ouchie.

10:00 pm:

Sleep.  And I fell to sleep with the noises of activity from the kitchen and music playing.  It was awesome.  Like I was at home taking a nap while someone (ehem) cooked me dinner…I should have recorded it and played it every night like a lullaby.

06/11/11

Sue made me breakfast!  Susie breakfast sandwich with egg, cheese, and maple (veggie) sausage patty.  (heart)!!!!!!!!

And now we’re gonna drive to Sedona and hike!!!  Sedona is gorgeous with it’s redness in the rocks and it’s desert plants and purdy stuff everywhere!!!  We hiked for 2 hours!!  WHOA!  We was tired!  But it was sooooooo nice!!  I think I may have taken 157 photos just during our hike.  Whoop!  Who wants a slidshow??!!  Yea?  Waaaaahahahaha!  AND!  We got to see a cricket, Coyote poo, snake tracks, wee lil’ bugs attacking Amber, lizards, and a BEAR!  Noooooo…we didn’t see a bear.  (sigh)  We saw a cricket though!  ‘member??!!!  That’s just as good!  ANTS!!!!!

1:30 pm:

We have lunch at the Wildflower Café in Sedona looking out toward the mountains.  Yes.  It was nice. 

2:15 pm:

Cowboy Club!  Naw, no cowboys, BUT we got to have Prickly Pear margaritas!!  Prickly Pear is the fruit that the cactus produces.  They make EVERYTHING out of this thing!  Popcorn, sauce, hair stuffs, lotion, etc.  Oh, and margaritas!  Mmmmmmmm.

4:30 (ish) pm:

Home!  And today we are going to visit all three pools and get into at least one Jacuzzi!!!  Why would we visit all three pools?  Well, because when you go to one and hang out for a bit other people start showing up.  When there are too many people there, you just move on to the next one!  First pool had 2 teen girls in it…which wasn’t bad at first until they noticed the jock boys tossin’ a football back and forth right beside the pool.  Ah…teen girls and their mouths and the loudness and shrieking that vomits from their faces when they are needing to be noticed.  Ouchie.  Yea, we moved on.  I did get to pet the cutest lil’ boxer puppy before leaving though!!!  He almost got his head stuck in the fence grates ‘cause he wanted to come into the pool area sooooo bad!  Awwwwwwwww!!!

We get to the next pool and there are 3 kids playing in it.  They’re fairly quiet, so we stay and then?  Somehow get sucked into playing with them.  Unicorned!  They were Riley, Nathan, and the quiet one who was my most favorite in the world.

Their aunt was…um…”watching” them.  And by watching I mean on her phone the entire time paying no attention to them.  Sue and I had it covered though.  They got some attention and were able to show us their water tricks!  YAY!!!! 

In the end they had to leave…they were hungry though and had Riley (the girl) go up to the Aunt to ask if they could have something to eat.  It was 9:30 at night at this point…

The Aunt said she just had peanut butter and jelly.  Riley told her they hadn’t eaten since breakfast.  My heart broke.  In pieces.  Right there in the pool.  May I have these children please?  Yes?  I actually have real food in my car that will sustain them.  Gimmie!!!

10:30 pm:

We’re gonna go to sleep now.  Sadness has crept into my heart and I wish to suppress it, thank you. 

06/10/11

UP! 

I’m packing my car to leave and this woman walks up to me (Anna).  She’s dressed like…um…like she went out the night before?  Is that the nice way to put it?  She’s all busting out the top and stuffs (snarf) no pun intended…it doesn’t look so comfortable especially for 8 in the morning!  So Anna walks up to me and asks if I could possibly give her a ride (she’ll give me $5) to go get her daughter.  I pause for a moment and say “sure”!  I mean, really…what can she do?  I’m in shorts and boots.  Don’t mess with me!  Ok…that doesn’t sound so very threatening, but you’ve probably never seen me in shorts and boots…alright, alright.  Tsssss.  No it’s not very threatening, but I gots argyle socks on too!  And like a foot of height on her…and my aqua braid clip and unicorn necklace on…So I tell her I just need to check out and give me a minute more to finish packing my car.  She thanks me and goes back to her room to grab her purse.  On my second trip by, this dude comes out of the room and thanks me sooooo much for giving them a ride.  Them a ride.  Um…nope.  I didn’t sign up for that!  He seems nice enough, but A) I don’t have room in my car for TWO people!  Where are the bears gonna sit??!!  And B) there is no way in hell I am letting either one of you sit behind me.  I cordially let him know that there is no room in my car…at this point they are both at my car and funny that, he actually checked!  Yea.  Unless you want to hold my clothes bar with my clothes on it or all of my plastic containers, there ain’t no room. 

He thanks me anyway and tells Anna she should just go.  Alright.  Everybody in!  Well, just you Anna! 

Anna gets in my car, looks around real slowly, looks back at me…looks around again and says, “are you a bounty hunter?”  AHAHAHAHAHA!!!  Awesome!  Yes.  (nods head) Yes I am.  Nice to meet you.  Naw…I just shrugged and looked at her dead in the eye.  She then asks me who I was targeting!  WHA??!!  Wow!  I can’t give you that information!  THEN she asks me where I was headed to next after my business in Tucson was finished.  Sheesh lady!  I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure these are NOT the questions you ask someone you think to be a bounty hunter.  I of course gave her a bunch of vague answers to keep her wondering.  I didn’t lie!  Nope!  I just didn’t answer all of them…waaaaaahahahaha!

So, then!  She asks that if her daughter is dressed if I could drop them both off at the Y!  Really?  You want me (a bounty hunter) to take you and your young daughter to the Y??!!  What is wrong with you lady??  No.  Sorry.  I have to hit the road.  She understood this…and that I probably had a tight time schedule. HA!  So off went Anna. 

10:40 am:

Tooley’s Café for breakfast!  This is right by Mast which is a shop that Mellow owns with a couple other people!  You remember Mellow right?  YEA!!  So I eat my delicious bean, egg, salsa, coffee breakfast.  Mast is still not open.  They’re late.  (sigh)  I decide to go into this used/vintage/junk shop to pass the time, which was an awesome idea, ‘cause I got BOOTS!  And I met two lovely women who own/work there!  They loved what I was doing and one of the women actually did the same thing in the 70’s only with hitchhiking and stuff.  

Back to Mast where I meet Tasha!  Mellow is apparently in Denmark for the week.  AH!  That’s ok.  The shop is lovely and well merchandised and gorgeous!

Time unknown:

Rest stop for gas and bafroom break!  So I get gas, pull my car up to a parking spot, step out of my car and head to the doors of the Love’s pit stop.  7 dudes hanging out right in front of the door having a conversation…

All conversation stops and two of them look at me with mouths agape.  Um…yea…I would like to get through here or Imma gonna pee ma’ pants guys.  One of them gets the hint (after I say excuse me) and slowly moves out of the way.  Hey!  Don’t have your meet and greet right in front of the door ok???!!  I think it was my rainbow socks and boots that got them all confused and speechless.  It does it to them every time!  Waaaaaaahahahaha!  It’s my secret weapon!

   

1:00 pm:

Downtown Tucson and this is where I meet up with Chris Kasper!!!  WHOA!  I went to high school with Kasper in Germany in the early 90’s!!  He’s still amazing and was very upset with me that I didn’t call him the night before.  Next time.  Promise!  So he’s gonna come out to Maine in the winter and teach me to snowboard for real!  YAY!  WOW!  I just had coffee with Chris Kasper.  I think I may still be in shock from this…

4:40 pm:

Hellllllloooooo Phoenix Arizona!  Oh!  And Zia Records!  Yea, I stopped in to buy some CDs.  I know I have a gajillion songs on my iPod and 60 CDs in my car, but I needed MORE!!!  HA!  I got so confused in that store!  Ehem…and nobody asked me if I needed help…mmmmm.  Hmmmmm.  What did I buy??  Oh!  The new Lady Gaga (of course) and Kid Cudi and um…Blaze of Glory soundtrack (that’s Jon Bon Jovi)!  YAY!

OMG!  SUE AUDET!!!!  AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!  XOXOXOXOX!!

Sue is amazing!  If you haven’t met her, well you’re missing out on one of the most vibrant and kind people of the whole universe!!!  I have a lot of those people in my life.  And I love them so much.  They make everything ok.

So I follow her home (she drives like a crazy person…whereas I drive like an old lady, so it was interesting trying not to loose her!!!)  I have my own room!  And bathroom!!  And TOILETRIES!!!  And snacks, wine, whiskey and JUICE BOXES!  WHA???!!  Ok, so yea.  I cried!  I’m and emotional wreck!  I haven’t had real human contact in like a week!  This girl runs on love, sun, and smooooooshin’ crushes, so after a whole week her energy tank gets a little low.

6:00 pm:

Dinner!  At the Loving Hut which only serves vegan dishes.  Wow!  Delicious!  And I’ve been running on chips, rice cakes, beans, corn, juice boxes and coffee.  Re-boot!!!!

Time unknown:

Back to her apartment, which is super nice!  She has a wee little balcony, laundry, 3 pools, 2 jacuzzis, and an exercise room!!  Oh!  Not all of that is in her apartment!!!  Just the balcony (um…which is outside silly) and the laundry!  HA!

We change to go out and that’s when I see my back.  Texas did a number on me alright.  Gross!!!!  Let’s um…try to see what we can do about that, k?  EW.

8:00 pm:

Rusty Spur in Phoenix, AZ!  Live country music by a band…oh no!  I forgot the name of the band!  Well, they’re these old guys and they cover songs and once in a while mix in some dirty bits with the real song…yea…sometimes its awkward! 

We’re here to see real live cowboys.  Yea.  What do we get?  Frat boy golf team.  Ugh.  With their pastel polo shirts, white or khaki shorts, and their flip flops or (snarf) boat shoes.  AAAAHAHAHAHA!  Ew.  One guy (not part of the frat boy crew) decided it would be a good idea to stare relentlessly and Sue and I.  Yea.  Sue is a lot like me…don’t chu stare!!!  She’ll get all mad about it especially if you’re sitting with a lady, dude.  Come on now!  GAH!

So, we’re sitting here at a high round table with 4 other chairs around it and this couple walks up and sits down across from us.  Seemed fine until I notice his water bottle, which he brought in with him…um…why does it look so gross, Sue?  Ah!  Just wait for it…blech.  It’s your chew spit container.  GGGRRRRRROOOOOOSSSSSSSSS!!!  Don’t put that on the table!!!  AH!  Don’t spit into it, dude!  GAH!  Yucky. 

The couple’s parents (we think) walk in and sit next to us.  They’re nice.  Oh, and now a little too nice.  The wife’s comment to me?  We’ve been married 28 years and have been living in sin for 3.  That’s why our marriage works.  Um…ok…um…………OH!  Oh!  Ok, see we don’t roll that way, babe sorry!  AH!  No.  Oh gosh.  But we talk with them.  I guess the husband is on the road a lot and it just works for them.  Yep.  Please don’t ask us where we’re headed to next.  Please don’t. 

Sue and I skedaddle outta there to check out Giligan’s which has a midget bar.  Literally.  The bar is tiny and there is a guy working it.  He doesn’t look too happy, but he’s gettin’ papers, so…I guess it’s ok?

Bunny rides!  YAY!  This is a extended golf cart that’s lit in neon pink inside that is rather like a taxi cab but all exposed and the guys just get paid by tips.  He has a bright pink shirt on that says Bunny Rides on the back.  WHEEEEEEEEE!!!  I got so esssscited about riding in a golf cart, that I had to inform everyone that we were in one while we were driving!  The people in the cars were jealous.  Yep.  I saw it all over their faces!  Or scared of me?  Naw, they were jealous.

We sit at the bar—oh!  the bigger one, and have a drink.  Pitbull comes on and ye’all know I haven’t danced in a bit so I start chair dancing, which is basically me just sitting in a chair looking like I have ta pee I think.  Laura sees me and dances over to me…who’s Laura, Amber???  Um…some girl…who saw me chair dancin’…yea…you know…I attract them.  She holds out her hand to get me to dance with her.  Nope.  Sorry, hon.  I don’t know you and there are way too many people in here for me to justify getting up and dancing with you since we would be the only ones doing so.  I attract attention sometimes, but I’m not gonna force attract it.  (shakes head ‘til dizzy)  Laura found some drunken dude to “dance” with…

Then we met this lovely guy (name forgotten, sorry) who decided to call me Ruby.  (shrug) wha?  Ohhhhkay.  Then proceeded to introduce me to his friends as Ruby.  Yep.  Ok then.  When do we get to go home, Sue?  Aaaaaahahahahaha!  Oh!  Look!  They don’t believe your real name is Sue!  HA!  Tssssssssss. 

Out.  We got a bike currier guy to drive us to Sue’s car.  Sue didn’t drink, don’t chu worry!!!  I asked him if he could take me to Alaska in his bike currier contraption because it was so nice.  He’s gonna think about it.  WHEEEEEEEEE!!!

12:00:

Bedtime, girls!  Get your sleep on!  We gots us a big day of hiking tomorrow!!!