10/17/13

INSTALLMENT #1 out of...meh, who knows really!!

So…uhmmm…as some of you know, I was in a relationship for 10(ish?) years with my best friend.  We were handfasted on October 9^th, 2009, and then went our separate ways in January 2012.  I’m really bad with dates and time spans, so if any of the above is off, well just blame it on the fact that I have never lived in the same place for more than 4 years…

This is deeply personal and you may feel uncomfortable reading it, so I completely understand if you can’t get through all of it, but I feel as if I need to tell you some things.  OH!  Wait!!!  They’re not bad things!!  Don’t worry!  HEY!  Come back!!  Keep reading!!

I need to tell you stuffs.  About humans and relationships…because Imma EXPERT!  (snarf).  Perhaps it’s because this is the first year I will be “alone” on my birthday, and Thanksgiving, and Christmas…but whatever.  I can do this, because I still have that best friend.

And because I’m a bit obsessive compulsive, I will now proceed to form this blog post into an outline…ta-da!!!  …A rambling, can we get back to the point, outline.  (SURPRISE!!)

1.     NEVER stop holding hands.  EVER.  I mean it.  NEVER.  And the best time to hold hands is when the other person isn’t expecting it.  You’re getting a cup of coffee?  You just woke up?  I’m gonna walk over and hold your hand for a split second and look into your eyes.  BAM.  Ok.  Done.  It doesn’t matter if you’ve been hanging out with the person for 1 week or 30 years, you should never stop.  Humans crave contact and if you surprise them with it, you will continue to receive it. 

This also includes walking down the street arm in arm, putting your hand on their thigh while you sit next to each other, holding their arm gently while standing next to each other, and doing creepy face touch randomly (some of you know what this is…some don’t, but trust me, it’s awesome!).

While we’re on the subject of contact, never stop hugging.  Real hugging.  Not some “I have to make sure there’s room for air movement between our bodies because I’m uncomfortable” hug.  Not some weak armed “I don’t want to do this” hug.  Not some “I’m going to pat you on the back when I feel that this hug is lasting too long and I feel awkward” hug: a full blown “I haven’t seen you in SO LONG” hug (even if it’s been an hour).  Seriously.  If you’re not comfortable with hugging, then…well, just the thought made me extremely sad, so I don’t wanna talk about it anymore.

Also, I am not a huge fan of PDA.  Seeing people all smooshy face with each other makes me feel weird…I know, right?!  It’s a bit contradictory to what I’m telling you, but there’s a line, guys!  That being said, if you need to kiss your partner in public, DO IT!  Not the long, drawn out slurpy face kiss, but the “holy crap, I really like you and I don’t know how to put it into words so I’m going to hold your face in my hands and kiss you on the lips/forehead/cheek” kiss.  Life is too short to hold back your feelings for someone.  Period.

2.     Listen.  If your involved with someone, it’s for a reason, so make sure they know that you care about what they are saying.  Put down your frackin’ phone, turn off the TV, put down your book and actually listen to them.  Don’t try and switch the conversation because you’re thinking about something else while they’re talking.  You’ll get your chance, don’t worry, but right now…listen.  Not only do we crave physical contact but also we crave mental stimulation, and you’re the only one who can make this happen.  Yes, I may tell you that I did laundry today and then proceeded to throw it all on the bed because I didn’t feel like putting it away…what am I trying to tell you??  HA!  I have no idea, other than the fact that when I go home there’s gonna be a monster pile of clean laundry on my bed.  (ssshhhhhhh, don’t tell my mom!!!)  But maybe now you can envision the magic that looks as if Rainbow Brite essssploded on my bed, because you KNOW me and you’re LISTENING…and you’ve seen my socks.

You had a bad day at work?  TELL me!  I’ll listen, commiserate, give you advice, bitch about your boss/co-worker with you, tell you that you should call in sick just for fun so we can go pick apples together.  Be their best friend.

3.     Don’t fight.  Or do??!!  In the 10(ish) years I was in a relationship, we “fought” approximately 3 times.  Yes, that’s three.  And those times they weren’t even “I’m slamming the door” fights, they were “aw, crap, I’m real mad about blah-blah-blah can we talk about this?  I might cry…is that ok?” fights.  Maybe it’s because we started off as best friends and we told each other everything…and we listened to each other.  I don’t know!  But then again, maybe fighting is good for your soul?  Just that carnal Imma yell at you and then feel real bad about it reaction is healthy?  This is one thing that I’m actually not sure about…we’ll just leave it be.  Hey!  Who wants a hug??!!