05/21/11

Finished loading Jezebel, said goodbye to ma’ puppy and husband and set off to hit the road.  I of course, saved everything for the last minute because when you’ve been super organized and on point for 6 years as a Project Manager sometimes you just have to let go and live life in the moment.  Probably not the best plan since you know, I’m going to travel 6000 miles in a van that’s 21 years old…um…yea.

                                                        

10 am: 

So, I filled up both gas tanks (nah, Imma not gonna tell you how much that was) and went to the bank to cash in my pennies.  When I left the bank, I noticed a wet spot under the van and upon crouching down I then got a nice whiff of gasoline.  AH!  Luckily I caught Matt right as he was leaving his house and he was crazy kind enough to check it out.  The hose clamp wasn’t tight enough.  We fixed it.  YEA!  GO!

12 pm:

On the road!  While driving on my auxiliary tank (which I believe may be the main tank?) on the highway there is this HUGE bang noise that comes from under the hood and Jezebel looses acceleration.  She kicks out of it though and “cruises” along for another 10 miles.  Then again.  And AGAIN!  AHHHHHHH!!  Somehow I got from Portland, ME to Biddeford, ME without having her die completely on the side of the road.  This is where it gets real good…pay attention!  I pull into the gas station in Biddeford and check my oil.  Still there, but crazy hot (you’re not supposed to check it when it’s hot, k?).  Basically any sort of knocking in the engine means that the oil is not getting to the rods which means that you will blow a rod through the engine if you keep on running it as such.  I call AAA and ask them if there is a mechanic in the area that I could…um…coast to.  After asking me what type of vehicle I am in she then proceeds to tell me that my coverage does not extend to “RVs” and I will have to pay out of pocket for the tow.  7 days.  7 days it takes them to put a camper on your coverage.  And no, she did NOT want to pro-rate it for me…”it’s against their policy”…WHA??!!  I’ve been with AAA for 20 frickin’ years.  GAH!!!!!  So I tell her to set it up.  She apparently can’t do that and she has to transfer me.  My theory is, is that they are too dumb to be able to multitask and for some reason they don’t have fancy computers to activate a new vehicle.  I asked her to give me the names of the local mechanics in the area (which she did) and then was transferred to another person to set up the coverage.  Tsssssssssss.

12:45 pm:

Called Bob’s Auto and told him about my situation.  Bob is awesome.  He’s ma’ favorite so far, even though he questioned me on the difference between knocking and pinging.   He asked me where I was and to “sit tight”, he was on his way to me.  (heart)

Bob checked it out and theorized that my oil was too thin for the engine.  He told me I needed to get 10W-30 into her especially if I was going to go South.  Hot oil doesn’t coat the engine very well…he wasn’t positive that was the issue, but he said I should do it anyway.  So, I drove 1 mile up the road to VIP.  They somehow couldn’t fit me in that afternoon…pbbt.  I then drove down the street to Pronto.  Of course Pronto has smaller overhead doors than VIP so we had to see if she would even fit into the garage!  She did…with about a foot to spare.  Those guys changed my oil out and told me that it wasn’t the oil from what I was describing.  GAWD!  BUT!  They were crazy nice and VERY excited that I was going to Alaska and back in it…one asked if he could go with me.  I said yes?  Weirdo.  NO!

1:30 pm:

On the ROAD (again).  Somehow I managed to get right before the turnpike entrance before Jezebel started acting up again.  BANG!  Lost acceleration.  BANG!  FRACK!!!!!  So I decided to drive the back way through Sanford to see if she could just work it out.  Annnnnnnnndddd…got ½ way up the hill before BANG!  Dead.  No shoulder, no warning.  I got to know my hazard lights real well after that!  So me being all smaht and stuffs decided to see what would happen if I switched her back to the original gas tank.  Yea, that was a good idea!  No buckin’, no stallin’, drivin’ like a (slow awkward) champ!  YAY!!!!!!!! 

Time unknown:

So when you’re driving a 90’s van that devours gas like a starving hyena and you only have 1 gas tank to go on, you gots ta’ stop a bunch in order to fill ‘er up and apparently I am NO good at figuring out the best places to stop.  Somehow they are ALL 5 miles from the highway on small curvy roads.  Pppppppbbbbttt!! 

Time unknown:

Believe it or not, Google maps decided to take me STRAIGHT through frickin’ New York City.  WHA??!!!  I was “toolin’” along getting people all pissed off ‘cause I was going so slow when I see a sign for the route I’m supposed to take.  5 lane highway.  I’m in the middle one because the two on my right are for trucks and buses (since they’re not allowed the way of the passenger cars) and it’s a separate route.  And PANIC!  Right below the sign and RIGHT before you need to make a decision; it says [MAXIMUM HEIGHT 9’-2”].  So, yea.  I swore.  LOUDLY.  I have no clue how tall my van is and the guys at Pronto said if she was less than 10’ she would fit through the doors…maybe she’s only 9’ tall?  Somehow I managed to get in with the trucks and buses (and other cars) so that the roof of my van wouldn’t get ripped off and fly at the lovely drivers of New York City.  I may have cut a couple people off.  But, hey, I’m from Maine.  I gots a big van.  I have no idea where I’m going.  Deal with it.  The only thoughts I was thinking was:  South and West, South and West.  I will be able to get to Pennsylvania if I just keep going South and West.  Annnnnnnnd.  Traffic jam.  Humans flooding out of every dirty orifice that New York has to offer up.  Trash everywhere.  PS.  I hate New York City.

9:30 pm:

If you would take note for a moment, I had planned on leaving Maine at 10am, 11 at the latest which would have put me in Lansdale, PA at 7 or 8 pm…I’m in Woodbridge, NJ (1 ½ hours from Lansdale—6 hours from Portland…yea.  Think on that for a moment.

Anyway, so I decide to stop and get a coffee (‘cause they gots the Starbucks).  Pull in to a spot, grab my phone, grab my wallet, grab my travel mug, get out, lock the door and then shut the door.  AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!  WHA??!!  Are you forgetting something, AMBER??!!  Maybe your keys??!!  GAWD!!!  Epic fail.  All the doors are locked and all the windows are closed.  Nice.  Just perfect.  I decide to wander over to a family and ask them if they had anything to open my car back up with.  Crazy nice family.  They even pulled their truck over to shine the lights at my van to see if they could figure out a way to get in.  No luck, but they were really helpful.  So I thanked them and decided to wander over to the gas station area and ask them.  People must do this all the time at the rest stops right?!  Some dude directed me to the “garage” portion, where I asked another dude about it.  He informed me that they weren’t allowed to break into cars for people but that “they can get someone to help who’s not on the payroll of the rest stop”.  I said “sure” all high pitched and like a 7 year old girl who really wants an ice cream cone.  He said to hold on a minute and he would get someone.

You would assume by those words that there was a guy out back who just hung out all day and jimmied people’s locks for under the table cash right?  Two guys came out of the back and made that noise upon seeing me.  Yea, that one.  I think they were trying to channel Barry White, but failed miserably.  (shrug) Get my doors open and I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that. Wait.  It takes two of you and no tools to get my van door open?!  Yea, sure, I’ll show you where it’s at.  Wait.  Now it takes THREE of you??!  Can you tell that I’m holding my metal travel mug like a weapon now?  I hope not.  I want it to be a surprise…

I guess these dudes were just confirming that my van was actually locked.  Or I said some kind of code word that I don’t wanna know about and they were expecting something different than an actual locked van.  Oh, and hey!  The only view you’re getting’ right now is one of my wallet and cell phone.  There ain’t nothing there to see buddy.  One of them called the freelance lock jimmy guy and said it would be about ½ hour.  “You can wait inside where it’s warm and keep an eye out”.  Yea.  Thanks.  How ‘bout I stand here in the dark in an empty parking lot…how did I manage to find the only unlit and unpopulated place to park?  Tired? 

Finally I got my coffee, after some kind gentleman decided that I should go ahead of him (that may be sarcasm).  I went back out to my van and as I was walking towards it the nice family that originally tried to help me was driving away.  Ignore mode on when “goodnight, sexy” was spoken at me.  REALLY?!

So here I am, actually standing in the semi-dark by my van waiting for some dude to show up to jimmy the lock.  ‘Cause as you know…my AAA coverage doesn’t kick in until NEXT Saturday.  Then glitter started to pour out of my eyeballs and a guy in a tow truck parks about 100 feet away from me and gets out.  This is NOT the guy they called.  This is my savior.  I know it.  I prance over to him in the parking lot.  How’s that visual for ya’?  And say “HI!”.  I ask him if he can help me…he’ll need my ID and registration.  I say no problem, but my registration is in the car silly!!!  He walks back to his truck and speeds away…nah, just kiddin’.  He grabs his stuffs and BOOM!  Door unlocked.  (heart)  I thank him profusely and with a 20 dollah bill then almost hug him…control is hard when you’re an emotional wreck!  I didn’t hug him though, but I think he saw it in my eyes, ‘cause he backed up just a wee bit…

Time unknown:

On the road (yet again) with new directions from Wayne on how to get to them!  I call them at MIDNIGHT letting them know that I’m on 309 (20 minutes from them).  Karen, Kathi, Wayne, and whiskey.  End of the trip (for now).  Pretty sure I used up all of my bad karma that first day so here on out should be a breeze, right?

As a side note my food consumption for May 21^st consisted of:  Very Berry Coffee Cake from Starbucks and…well…that was it for the day.  Did you know that the thing I was driving was stocked with food??!!  Yep. 

05/20/11

Loaded up Jezebel with the “essentials” which included 2 bokken, 1 hula-hoop, food stuffs, wine, clothes, mace, taser, camera, music, and…of course…juice boxes!  I was a-posed to leave this day, but decided it would be better if I left on Saturday.  Tsssssss…yea.  That story is next. 

05/19/11

Emptied and cleaned out the gray water and black water holding tanks (EW!) all by myself.  Mmmmmm hmmmm.  Yep.  I done did it!  Emptied out the freshwater holding tank and sanitized the crap out of it.  Yea.  Dropped Jezebel off to get her auxiliary gas tank installed.  And then…since it was Thursday…I danced my face off.

05/18/11

Went to Saco to have my van checked out (propane, electrical, holding tanks) at Seacoast RV.  Somehow I managed to have the wrong day…it was the day before, and they were unable to look at it and unfortunately couldn’t get me back in until the 2^nd week of June.  DOH!  I asked the manager if he could just answer some questions for me (after I gave him my most pitiful look) and proceeded to question him how I was to go about emptying the holding tanks.  He then told me I should pull the van around and he would give me a tour…1 ½ hours later I was set and he had shown me everything I possibly needed to know about the van.  YAY!  So, yea.  Seacoast RV is aweshum!

It started off as a fantasy.  What if I could travel across the United States and see the people I love and visit the places I’ve never been to?  That’s crazy.  But I kept dreaming about it…so that led me here.  May 2^nd, 2011 with the purchase of a Ford Econoline 250 Coachmen camper van.  Equipped with a sink, stovetop, toilet, “shower” and bed.  From this point forth, you can enjoy living vicariously through me and ma’ unicorn travels.

And by the way, what Amber wants, she gets.  And if you tell her she can’t do something she will prove you wrong time and time again.  I do what I want…meeeeeeow!!!