Today: Sport DOCTOR (again), because my knee hurts sometimes and swells up to three times it’s normal knee size, and just randomly gives out, which hurts like hell, but is HILARIOUS to witness!!
I saw him the other week and he f’d with my knee SO MUCH that it was swollen by the time I got home. He ordered an MRI…I brought home a pamphlet of exercises to do.
I had my MRI four days ago, which is an amazing and terrifying experience!! AMAZING because frackin’ MAGNETS man!! Basically scanning your body and making multiple images of the things!!!!! WHA?!?! Terrifying because I work in construction and…….no(???), I don’t have any metal shards in my body that may be ripped out while I’m in this loud throbbing machine. Sorry, can you turn up Blake and Eva because [THROMMMMM THROMMMMM THROMMMM]. …WAIT, why can I fell a vibration in my foot shooting up to my leg?!?!?
Fast forward to today when I went for a follow up. It’s not strained or swollen or stretched or anything that those stupid exercises (that I couldn't even do) will fix. My meniscus be torn. That cushioning between the femur an tibia…yea, that’s rather important. It’s a horizontal tear on the interior of my right knee. And you know what the first thing that went through my mind was? How am I supposed to keep up the Panda awesome walk with a FUCKED UP KNEE?!?! SRSLY! My walk is signature…and I can’t do it anymore…or work.
No ladders.
No carrying extreme loads.
Avoid stairs.
No crouching.
Wear this brace everyday.
Don’t live.
Waste away into nothingness.
And I know it’s just a knee and whatever, but it feels weird. I’m the only female. I have to prove myself every second. This. This is not HALPING! She doesn’t want an office job. She wants to make shit happen. Yes, she’s 41 and working in a job that may be detrimental, but it’s what she loves; so please. Please don’t take this away from me. Please.
The are two procedures. One to remove the tear, one to repair it. “Recuperation times vary greatly. And then there is the matter of crutches.” NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!! How am I supposed to jump in every amazing rain puddle that happens while I’m on stupid crutches??? NO. My parents need me right now. Without crutches. I need to work. Without crutches. I need to be able to get into my amazing truck. Without crutches. I need to drive my Jeep. Without crutches. I’ve never had crutches in my life and……..PANDA says, “this is not happening!!!”
Venting. I know what’s best.
