05/27/11

Woke up in the Wal Mart parking lot…and getting down from that bed was um…difficult!  Some major ballerina moves were involved and I did NOT get hurt!  Wow!

A crow came to see me this morning.  And funny that, ravens have been with me ever since.  They’re big.  Bada Boom Big. 

We decide we need a couple things so how convenient is it that Wal Mahts is right there!  Cooler is in order since I don’t want to run the propane to power the fridge.  One that fits into the fridge would be awesome.  And we need some Fabreeze.  For the van and yea, for me.  I told Barb she could secretly spritz me while I was sleepin’.  So we walk into the Wal Mart…and now Henderson, North Carolina has experienced the Amber & Barb amazingness.  I passed by a 70 year old woman and smiled at her (that’s what I do) and she looked up, smiled back and said “How ya’ doin’, baby?”  WHA??!!!  Aaahahahahaha!  I heart North Carolina!

Atlantic Bread Company for REAL coffee and “bagels” which Barb termed “breakfast dumplin’s”, ‘cause if those were bagels I’m frightened as to what actual bread is! 

10:30 am:

On the road towards Nashville…after a text from mama being concerned because we were in one spot for too long (heart). 

So, we went up the mountain the night before, right?  At 3370’ in elevation we then needed to go down the mountain.  And going down weren’t no good at all!  All of a sudden Barb looked at me and said “smell something?”, I looked at her and said “yea, but I was trying to ignore it and pretend it’s the truck in front of us”.  So Barb rolls down her window and looks back at me and says…yea, that’s us.  CRAP!  WHA??!!  It smells like burning rubber!  Now what??! 

1:20 pm

Pulled over to the shoulder, pop the hood, look in—nothing.  I walk to the passenger side of the van and witness frickin’ SMOKE coming out from around the wheel well.  Aweshum.  No.  Not awesome at ALL!  I grab the extinguisher just in case since I have TWO full gas tanks on this beast and my bag with wallet and phone (just in case).  Barb gets her water ready…The smoke starts to clear, Barb gets in the van to change out of her dress and into jeans, and I crawl under the car to check it out.  Um…the breaks were basically so hot that they were melting away the rough layer on the pad and gooshy hot black stuffs was all over the inside off the break shaft.  YAY!  So I shimmy out and give her the news.  We call Matt to see if he can help us (break fluid is still full thank goodness) and I drove it just about 4 feet to make sure I still had breaks.

We get out the Atlas to see if we can tell if there is any more mountain…and the first person who can read the terrain of a mountain on an atlas gets a prize!!!  Luckily, I’m the unicorn and sometimes just make up happy stuff for the hell of it.  I told her we only had a wee bit more to go and then we were out of the mountains…the Appalachian Mountains… (she believed me and thank goodness it was actually true!!)Matt told us to keep it in low gear and just pump the breaks in order to get air onto them.  What’s weird is that I was pumping the breaks to begin with, so I have NO idea why they…well…got stupid on us!

3:00 pm:

We got down the mountain!  YAY! And entered Tennessee, which is officially my mostest favorite state so far!!!  It’s gorgeous, the people are AMAZING, and it’s hot!  Barb made us sandwiches in the van (while I was drving…shhhhhh) which consisted of Tofurky, cheesesticks, mayo, and mustard on Lavish bread with a side of Pirate Booty!  (Eat)

7:00 pm:

And you thought Amber could only have one scare per day after what she dealt with on the first day?   TSSSSSSSS…she’s WAY stronger than that and very much appreciates being tested.  Consistently.  No really…….especially car stuffs!  That’s awesome.

We stop for gas (yet again) in Cookeville, TN…and yes.  We know the name of this town, it will be with us for the rest of eternity.

I decide that I should check my fluids.  Well, not MY fluids that would be weird!  The van’s fluids.  Everything looks good (well almost everything).  I turn on her engine to check the transmission fluid (you have to have it running to check transmission fluid FYI) pull the stick and look at…nothing…aw man.  WHA?   Dip again, nothing.  I shut the van off, and shimmy under her again to spy a puddle of transmission fluid on the ground and a ton splooged all over the under carriage.  YAY!  YAYAYAYAYAY!  Barb gets out to check it, calls Matt again (sorry Matt!!) I go in to see if there is a garage around that we can bring her to.  There’s one down the way.  Jasper’s.  I then ask if there are used car dealerships around anywhere.  The dude says yes, they’re all up and down this road as you drive into town.

See, this is what the 4^th bad thing that’s happened?  I’m only in Tennessee!  I have to get to Alaska and I won’t have Barb there with me the whole time to help!!  AH! 

Jasper’s can’t fix it until Tuesday—we have to be at Loretta Lynn’s ranch in Hurricane Mills TOMORROW!!  I ask him if he wants to buy it offa me, but his wife is there…he says no.

Barb and I drive around all of Cookeville and end up in the seedy scary part looking for a used car or truck or van for me.  I pull over and call the Jeep dealer, they’re closed.  I call the Ford dealer, man picks up and lets me know he will let the sales team know to call me tomorrow…he ends the conversation with an “I ‘preciate you”.  <3  Drove to the convenience store to get some beer, ‘cause well…I needed something.  And we met 3 of the nicest young men ever!  AND!!  We got to inspire them to go on a roadtrip (they unfortunately didn’t want to buy Jezebel off of me)!  We asked where we could get whiskey and they directed us toward what “may or may not be a liquor store”.  Cookeville has a law that a liquor store can’t be within 100’ of a church and Cookeville has got a lot of churches!!  As we were driving toward what may or may not be a liquor store, I pull into the Hyundai dealership (‘cause I saw a red Jeep Wrangler…).  Here is where we met the infamous C. Bass (Christopher Bass) who told me that they were closed, but they were just hanging out.  I tell him my situation, he tells me the price on a couple of the cars, I tell him I may be back in the morning, then he gives us information on where to buy whiskey and what hotel to stay in .  Aw, thank goodness!!! 

We get ze’ whiskey, check into the Red Roof Inn, play some Thin Lizzy, swim, and have a dinner of almost rotten avocado & crackers (gross!!!!) and then…SLEEP!!!!!

Stupidest day evah.  Thank you Barb for being strong! 

05/26/11

UP!!!  Well…I didn’t sleep much…napped?  It’s 4:30 am.  I have ½ hour to get ready and be on the road by 5 am…which you would think would be fairly simple in a RV all by yourself right?  I mean the shower doesn’t work everything is within 5 feet of you, you don’t even really need to move, just reach out and grab it.  Oh, but I’m a bit tall so every other move after a few hours of sleep consists of bashin’ ma’ head on everything.  Owie.

5:00 am:

On my way to Raligh, Virginia (airport) to pick up the other Amazon goddess who will be accompanying me for about a week!!  YAY!!!  First thing any normal human needs at 5am with possibly 2 ½-3 hours of sleep is coffee, right?  Starbucks is just across the street!  And……..it’s closed.  Ok, I’ll keep driving.  This water is just not cuttin’ it though.  OH!  Gas station (after ½ hour of driving), perfect!  I walk in all excited and the dude looks up and says: it’s not ready yet.  Someone unplugged it and I didn’t notice until just now.  No coffee.  REALLY??!!  You didn’t notice that there was no coffee brewing??!!  BAH!!  Ok.  OH!  Gas station!  At this point it’s just a thing I have set my mind on.  It’s been 2 hours.  I don’t even really need it, but I want it because I got up needing it.  But see, it was meant to be because this gas station on a back road somewhere in Virginia is where I first experience the true Southern culture.

I walk in and the woman behind the counter looks up from talking with her friend on the customer side of the counter and says to me, “Mornin’ there, honey.”  AH!  Love!!!  I get my coffee and pay for it.  She ends EVERY sentence she says to me with hon or honey and there were like 4 more sentences!!  YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!  Starbucks wouldn’t have done that…Starbucks coffee would have been better, but there would have been something missing.  “Have a good ‘un, hon, be careful out there.”  I love Virginia!

8:45 am:

Arrive at airport!!

Now if we can just side step for a moment.  To get from where I was to Raligh, VA should take about 2 ish hours according to Google and according to normal vehicles.  It took me almost 4…yea.  Just think on that one now.  Ok!  Enough!  Get back to readin’!  GO!

So, I have this van right?  Barb doesn’t get in until 10:15, so I need to find an outdoor parking area to keep this beast since I’m preeeeeeety  sure she is not gonna fit into a covered lot!  And the movie Airplane still messes me up as to whether I can park in the white or yellow zone.  So I’m following the parking signs…cautiously…I know about airport parking!  They TRAP ya’!  I cannot get trapped with Jezebel.  Ah there, ahead are those hangy thingys that they use sometimes with the maximum height restriction on them…oh and thank god Raligh Airport is slow!!!  Otherwise I would have been makin’ a whole lot of people mad!  So, this here hangy thingy states that the max height is 9’-0”.  Now I know that Jezebel is under 12’-5” ‘cause of the oil change station and I am fairly certain that she is more than 9’-0”, but how would I know??!!  I looked through all my books on her before I left and there is NOTHING printed about that!  So…um…yea, I went under it…and um……….yep.  She’s taller than 9’-0”.  WAAAAHAHAHAHA!  I’m assuming that’s what that banging noise is on the roof. Great.  Luckily, they give you an escape route, which I took immediately.  I loop around and pull into the Avis rental car place (it’s an open lot, phew), and ask if I can just leave my van there while I wait for my friend at the airport.  The woman behind the counter gave me this sour what chu talkin’ ‘bout girl look and directed me to the Airport Authority Parking area because “they have so much parking over there it’s not even funny”…like she was jealous of the amount of parking spaces they have?  Hmmmmmm…  So I loop BACK around again (avoiding the 9’ parking area like a pro at this point), pull into the lot, park Jezebel in the furthest space, and walk into the building.

The gentleman at the counter (after telling him what I want to do) said this is a cellphone lot.  I give him a blank stare.  He tells me again.  Um…yea…I don’t know what that means, sorry.  A cellphone lot is a place that you can park and wait and have the person call you on your cellphone when they get in so you don’t have to pay for parking!  Oooooohhhhhhhhhh!!!  Tssssss.  I dunno!!!!  Sheesh!  That sounds great!

10:15 am:

BARB!!!  HI ! HI! HI!  And she brings with her coffee cake (from Becca) and BOURSIN (the girl panda bear)!!!!!!!  BARB!!!!!

12:00 pm:

Arrive at South of the Border in South Carolina!  (no hills, twists & turns, etc)

Hung out at this crazy place—they have a “Hats from the World” shop that includes, but is not limited to a kitty cat hat, a Dr. Suess hat, a Pirate hat…so um, what is this world?  Did I miss something?  It’s probably a good thing I’m on this roadtrip because now I will be able to visit the lost city of kitten people!!!! 

Oh and they have a reptile area.  Which is sad.  They should stick to the sculptures of animals…I’m not gonna go into it.  Aw, great.  Now I’m sad.  Dammit!!!

Time unknown:

Driving into the mountain areas and around 8 pm I decide that I want to pull over at the next gas station in order to watch the storm and play in it!  So we pull into what is called the “Hot Spot”.  It’s a store in the South that carries EVERYTHING and they are specifically designed for RV people!  We park on a little hill and sit inside the van, and then I get out to take some photos since the sky is AH-mazing!!!!  And GOOOOSH!  Lightening streams horizontally across the sky, the wind picks up (enough to rock the van)—gosh I wish I could put sound effects into this!!!— and we decide that it just might be a good idea to go near the building and maybe under some cover.  So we pull in and the rain just starts POURING in sheets!!!  From the sky!!!  And there’s huge lightening and thunder and it’s AWESHUM!  Barb and I decide to hang out in the back of the van on the couch with the doors open and listen to music on her phone in order to pass the time.  –love-  And lemme tell ya’.  Them there truckers ain’t never seen the likes of Barb and I before.  Whoa. 

Time unknown:

Finally the rain stops and we head out to the nearest Wal Mart!  Wheeeeeeeeee…oh and lookie here.  That there is a real gosh darn mountain with warning signs for trucks.  Mmm hmmm.  35 mph the whole way up.  UGH! 

9:45 pm:

Wal Mart!  Horray!!!! 

So now that we are settled we gonna hang out on the couch again with bears and whiskey and talk until one of us collapses (oh, that’s me)!!! 

Total driving time for 5/26=approximately 14 hours…