05/24/11

Oh.  Gosh.  Kathi.  I did not inform her of the Amber Pants secret of switching to beer after 11 pm or switching to cranberry and ginger ale after midnight.  Whoop.  So I gots no Kathi all day (she basically slept) but that’s fine!  I needed quiet time.  I read a, ehem, graphic novel and wrote stuff while sitting outside on the patio ‘cause it was so warm!  Yea, I’m trying to rub it in at this point…  Awesome.

2:30 pm:

In the afternoon I decided I needed to walk the Shippensburg streets to the High School and back.  Oh!  Not like “walk the streets, walk the streets”, but just walk.  Come on now!  My mom is reading this!  Sheesh!!!!  I change out of my skirt into some jeans and boots, just to try and make the walk a wee bit more enjoyable.  Hotter, but more enjoyable somehow.  It didn’t work.  Nope.  After walking maybe 2 miles (there and back) there was this count…yea, I counted:

12 honks

5 yells/hollahs

And I lost track of the slamming on breaks and turning heads…

Why?  You didn’t like me then, so why is it that you need to get all testosterone on me now??!!!  I should have just left my skirt on.  At least then I would be cooler!!!  BAH!!!  C’mon!  I do, however love your trucks.  I blame my jacked up old truck obsession on YOU Shippensburg.  And that is ohhhhhhhkay (noddin’ ma’ head like yea).

My favorite was this:

Walking the back way away from the cemetery (through the yards…shhhh!), as I passed 1 particular house a gentleman opened his door to get his mail and exclaimed (no, really, he “exclaimed”) “MY!  Now ain’t you a tall glass of ice tea!”.

‘Member when that happened? 

To make that episode of angry Amber allllll better, I got to talk with Andrew about the pedigree of his dog (Rocky)…the one Imma gonna steal…shhhhhhhhh!!!  He has a piece of paper that is about 3’ long with the ancestry of his dog on it!!!!!  WHA??!!  I don’t even have that and I’m a human! 

3:45 pm

OMG.  Kathi is still in bed!  DOH! 

Josh was an awesome friend and picked me up to get my van.  Of course when I went around one corner after picking up Jezebel, stuff…liquid stuff…spilled out from somewhere…tsssssss.  GAH!  Give me a break!!!  I got Jezebel home.  She smelled like frickin’ propane, but I figured it was because she just had her tank filled.  Yea.  Just ignore it Amber.  Make up stuff as you go along.  Oh…and don’t smoke while driving or if you’re anywhere near the van, k? 

6:30 pm:

Kathi’s done with her client (she’s a massage therapist and REALLY good at what she does!) and…yea, she’s starving!!!  ‘Cause it’s 6:30 see and she somehow got onto the Amber diet of nothing until you feel like you’re gonna pass out (EAT!).  Anyway, have you ever had portabella mushroom sandwiches grilled on an actual grill with lettuce from your own garden on big ol’ bulky rolls??!!  No????  Well, you should go see Kathi then ‘cause WHOA!  I’ve never tasted anything so amazingly delicious.  We’ll all take a roadtrip to Shippensburg when I get back just to get another sammmmich!  Do you like it that ½ of my blog is about what I ate?  Yea?  Wwwaaaahahahahaha!  My job was to get chips.  See, I failed miserably the first time (with the pizza).  Kathi wanted salt & vinegar chips, so I offered to walk to the store to get some.  Oh, and walking to the store is what a crazy person does I guess, since it’s a whole um…ONE block from her house!!  Tssssssssss.  I bought sour cream & onion chips that night.  I just snuck that in there.  I’m still embarrassed about it.  It was a green bag, OK??!!  It was cheaper than the other green bag of chips!!  I don’t buy chips that often from a convenience store!!!  Gimmie a break!  AHHHHHHH!!!  Ok, so this night I did it correctly.  Salt and vinegar.  Did I mention that they don’t make salt & vinegar in a ripple chip?  Um…they do make sour cream & onion in a ripple chip though.  (head in hands in shame).

9:00 pm:

Amber needs to dance or go someplace (ants in pants)!!!  So Kathi, Josh, Andrew, and I all go back to Orky’s.  Ah, but see, when you have 2 brothers playing pool and you unwittingly think that you may be able to team up and have fun, well, you’re totally wrong.  Brothers are competitive.  And those particular brothers are actually good at pool.  So, to pass the time, Kathi and I get our own table, play songs on the juke box again and then loose our table (welllllll…we weren’t paying attention!).

So we start teams with Andrew and Josh.  And everything is fine and fun.  You see where this is going, right?  It ain’t too bad, but all of a sudden I realize that I gots boys again.  The real kind, who will keep you protected and drive away the scum. (heart).  I don’t even know them that well, and they’re on it!  Kathi and I don’t have to deal with a single incident allllllllll night.  (sigh).  Damn that was nice. 

11:30 pm:

City walk home!  All 4 of us.  I could give a crap what Shippensburg thinks at this point.  You’ll have your stories to tell to those who could not witness it.  HA! 

Home!  And Trailer Park Boys on the couch snuggled up with a dog!!!  Someone once told me that I really needed to see this show because it reminded them of me…um…well…I guess I’ll take that as a compliment?  I totally laughed my ass off.  To counter watching Trailer Park Boys, I will need to watch Planet Earth and Stephen Hawkins for approximately 6 hours.

12:00

BED!  GO!  Sleepy!

05/23/11

Shippensburg, PA—Good Mornin’!

Kathi made me breakfast.  Supposedly it’s the most important meal of the day and I need to eat protein RIGHT when I get up.  I thought my diet of coffee, cigarettes and a breakfast bar were enough, but nooooooooo, I gots to eat real food stuffs.  (sigh).  Of course breakfast was amazing (eggs with spinach and mushrooms and feta).  I decide to call Joe Fittry (the RV guy).  I had called him before I left Maine to see if he could check out my systems in the van while I was in PA…since, you know…I forgot when my appointment was in Maine (I’m still blaming that one on them though, I’m not THAT out of it yet!).  Joe tells me to drop it off and he’ll try and take a look at the propane system at least (the valve is frozen…have I already told you about this?  Hmmmm).  Anyway, I way good and that I’ll drop it off sometime today!  Unicorned another human with my charm  ;)  Kathi has to babysit Carter (Josh’s son) for about 4 hours, so we drive out and drop of Jezebel at Joe Fittry’s shop then drive to Josh’s house to hang with Carter.  He has this water thingy that he thinks is AMAZING!  Josh’s landlords have deer.  Fenced in.  They harvest the urine.  ‘Nough said.  There ARE wild bunnies in Pennsylvania though!!!  WHA??!!  Yea!  They hop aboot and eat stuff and they are frickin’ adorable!  I would like one please!!  Joe Fittry calls me at 3:35 with the news that my propane tank is fixed and full of propane!  YAY!  We can’t pick up Jezebel until the next day, but now I know I can cook!! 

5:20 pm:

Return to Kathi’s house where I proceed to plot on what the best way is to steal Rocky.  See now, Rocky is a purebred Bluetick Hound (Night Warrior clan) and GORGEOUS.  I wants him.  But he is Andrew’s…(sigh).  Kathi distracts me from said dog stealing with pizza, which worked for a few moments.  Actually, I shoved 4 pieces of pie in ma’ face like a frat boy who had just realized he hasn’t eaten anything in 30 minutes!  GIMMIE!  Then I hooped in the backyard and taught Josh how to…boys hoopin’?  Yea.  They can.  And he did a great job! 

9:00 pm:

Since I was of age now we decide to go to Orky’s which is the local bar in Shippensburg.  Everyone’s been there and everyone goes there.  AND they have PBR!  Thank goodness!!  Kathi and I play a mean game of pool…well…we have fun anyway!  Tsssssss.  Shut it.  We don’t need to know no rules!  Solids, stripy ones, black ball is last, hit other balls with white ball.  See?  Easy! 

They have an amazing juke box (cue: Juke Box Hero):  Flo-Rida, Lady Gaga, Blink 182, Journey, G N’ R, AC/DC.  What more could one ask for??!!  So yea, if you know me, you know that I was a one woman dance machine while playing pool…someone should have warned the locals.  So here we are having a splendid time dancin’ and poolin’, when this dude walks up smirkin’.  I look over and say “hey” (statement/question, ‘cause I recognize him).  He says “Hey.  How you doin’ Amber Dorcus?”.  WHA??!!!  Really??!!  Holy crap.  Dude I went to High School with you in 1991!!  I was 17!!!!  That is totally unfair that you know my first AND last name.  So we do introductions and it’s Dan…who, well…weren’t so nice to me in High School, but hey, Imma Unicorn now.  I don’t care!  We had a nice talk afterwards.  I told him he needed to get outta Dodge (aka Shippensburg).  He will…someday.  Seed has been planted. 

1:30 am:

Walkin’ home from Orky’s with Kathi.  I guess it’s ok to leave your car at the local bar until the morning (or afternoon), what a novel idea!  I told Kathi about “city walk” which I then forced upon her because she was worried walking arm and arm with me in a small town.  PHHHHHSSSSSSSSS.  What ever.  It’s ME!  They obviously all know me, so if they question you, just blame it on the crazy girl from up North!  Kathi unfortunately, had well vodka at Orky’s which led to a very bad next day.  L