05/31/11

And this is where it goes downhill.  Memphis.  Yea.  Think of

Preble Street

, then envision ALL of the buildings abandoned, graffitied, with junk laying all about them.  That’s Memphis.  You don’t need to go there.  We sacrificed ourselves for you already.  You’re in the clear (whisper) go to Nashville, Tennessee!!

We checked into a hotel and decided that we should check out

Beale St

.  Which is just a testosterone infused French Quarter.  As Barb put it, “it’s like siblings are fighting with their stereos and every time one of them turns theirs up the other turns their music up even LOUDER!  Honestly, why do you need to compete with the business 3 doors down on the other side of the street??!!  BAH!  My head!  Just give us food and maybe a beer! 

We went into Silky O’Sullivans and got some veggie burgers (!!!) and whiskey.  We were going to sit outside, but the bombardment of every bar on the rest of the block was just tooooooooo much, so we sat inside.  What was cool was that they had a secondary bar parallel to the main bar.  There wasn’t bar service there but it was a counter with stools that looked over to the stage area.  Idea.

On the stage was what we think was a drunken man of about the age of 35ish playing piano and drinking.  He then decided to smoke (which as you know is not allowed in Tennessee bars).  I of course told him he was gonna get in trouble…crap!  And he did.  DOH! 

Barb and I then move outside because it seems to have quieted down (because it’s night time???).  We sit there for a bit decompressing and all of a sudden this older man walks up and offers to buy us drinks.  (sigh) 

We say no, we’re fine, and then he asks if he could just sit and talk with us for a bit.  Really?  Um…….ok.  I told him he would have to get his own chair because the chair he was in back of was playing the part of footstool for me.  Sometimes the Unicorn is napping.  ;)  Needless to say he was quite nice and from Australia!  OH!  We met another Aussie in Nashville who looked like Bon Jovi…I almost fell outta my chair when he walked in!  I can’t believe I didn’t tell you that!  Sorry!!!!! 

Anyway, he invites the guitarist from the 2 man blues band to sit with us and he was SUPER soft spoken, so I have no frackin’ idea what the heck he said all night!  Maaaahahahahaha!  This dude from Australia was nice enough.  He didn’t like to listen to other people’s stories, but that’s ok, we can listen real good.  He’s a “globetrotter” as I called him.  He’s been traveling the world for two years now.  Yea.  That dude’s got cash I think.  And then……..after all the great stories he told……..you know what he starts talkin’ ‘bout???  Music.  Producers, artists, blah blah blah.  NO!!!!  Bob Dylan, The Band, etc.  UGH!  I can’t take it!  NO!!!  Shut yer face!  I hate music talk.  Always have, always will.  Don’t even tell me that the album put out in blech was the best album that blech ever put out and that blech should go back to blech’s roots of that.  Don’t chu do it!!!!  I will junk punch you in the man bidness for that.  Let’s talk about life and dreams and people and experiences!  OK!  GO! 

Time unknown:

We escape from Aussie dude!  Phew!  Call the shuttle for the hotel and let them know that we are SO ready to be picked up.  Then…and this is the best part in my mind.  We get to hang out at the park on the curb where it’s quiet.  Some guy comes up and has a cigarette with us (across from us by the newspaper boxes) and is very cordial. 

Van pulls up!  YAY!  We get in and the girl lets us know that there is another couple we are waiting on.  So we move to the way back…because everyone in the hotel we’re staying at is over 40, so we need to be nice.

And then they happened.  Nice wife (meek?) and crazy mo’ fo’ husband!!!!!!!!  There are moments in my life when I wish (at 36) that my dad was with me sometimes.  Just so he could in his military frank way cut someone down to size.  So this guy, who’s maybe 50 decides that I SHOULD NOT be going on this trip alone because EVERYONE will try to kill, maim, and/or rape me.  He knows.  Oh….YES!  HE KNOWS!  Don’t argue with him because then the racial slurs may spew out just a wee bit…not enough for you to realize it until it’s too late though.  There’s a recording of him that I posted to my Facebook page, because words cannot describe this jerkface.  I unfortunately, missed the beginning of it, but it’s enough.  Yea.  We were stuck in a minivan with that guy.

The best part about it was that Barb started talking to me half way through it just so he wouldn’t talk to us…then he started talking again and I shushed her…she got mad at me!  AHAHAHAHAHA!  (she didn’t know I was recording him)  We worked it out though afterwards.  KroKUS!!!!!! 

Barb and I get back to the hotel (with him still jibber-jabbering about how much danger I’m gonna be in)—Ok.  The ONLY people who can tell me that at this length are my loves, Chad, and my parents.  That’s it dude.  You don’t even KNOW me!!  And don’t you tell me that if I use my taser on someone they are just gonna keep comin’ after me because they’ve been tazed so much.  Tssssss.  Give me a break.  It’ll knock a horse out!

We swim.  Barb and I sillies!!!  Not the crazy dude!  And it twas nice!  Sneaking in after 10 to swim and shushin’ each other every 2-3 minutes (‘cause we ain’t a-posed to be there).  YAY!  And then…………They show up!  The wife and creepazoid dude.  mmmmmmmmmmmGRRRRRRRR.  So we swim for a bit while he tells me about Alaska (because he knows everything about everything, you see)…I really don’t like this guy, could you tell?  And so we need to go, because the BEARS are now gonna eat me and the men in Alaska will somehow trap me there.  Guuuuuuussshhhh!  (that’s me punching him in the throatneck).  I am quoted as saying “Imma Panda, I DO WHAT I WANT, RRRRAAAAWWWRRR”.  No really.  I did actually say that to him.  It was either that or get out off the pool and through every electrical device I could lay my hands on into the pool. 

Barb is out of the water and ready.  I of course, wear an actual swimsuit when I swim so um…yea.  All this talk and Amber’s actually more frightened of the creepy dude with a wife than of the random dude on the street who hollered at her.  Luckily Barb is my bestest friend in the whole wide world and she looks at me (I’m still in the water…it’s 3 feet deep, but I’m submerged) and brings me my towel so I don’t have to get out of the pool without coverage.  I (heart) her. 

So we leave…trying to say goodnight to the couple, but now they’re making out in the pool.  GROSS!  Really???!!!  Ida tazed him.