06/02/11

9:30 am:

Packing up to leave the hotel (alone).  I had collected numerous bottles along the way that held refreshing liquids (water, Starbucks coffee, soda pop, etc) so I needed to get them out of my car or be attacked at one point by all of them.  I brought them into the main office area and asked a gentleman sitting there if he knew if there was recycling.  He looked at me real weird and said “wha?” I asked him again (along with hand signals) and he told me to just put them in the trash.  I thanked him, tossed the bottles and went back to my car to continue to pack it.  Not two minutes later, said gentleman came out into the parking lot, walked up to me and profusely apologized to me saying “I done didn’t mean to be rude or nuthin’, but I couldn’t understand you missy.  You gots yerself a real weird accent.  You from Europe or sumthang?”  AHAHAHAHAHA!  Yes.  Europe.  Where we pronounce stuff.  Awesome.

Of course right before I’m ready to get into my car, Mr. Jerkface Creepazoid walks out and decides to lecture me AGAIN on all of the dangers involved with me driving to Alaska.  GAH!  Go away!!!

10:30 am:

Graceland!  Ok, so if you know me, you know that me and Elvis, well we just don’t see eye to eye.  I understand he may have revolutionized music, but there were hundreds of people before him who paved the way who never seem to get credit.  Maybe the fact that he blending the two cultures together gave him an up?  I don’t know…it’s like me and the Beatles.  C’mon now.  There are so many other bands and artists out there who were exactly like them (if not better).  It all comes down to marketing though, huh? 

Graceland is amazing though!  And his mansion??  It’s covered with mirrors!  On the walls, on the ceiling, in almost every room!  My favorite room was the jungle room.  It’s decked out all in 70’s eclectic furnishings.  The ceiling is even carpeted!

I ate lunch at the diner…I did NOT get the fried peanut butter and banana sandwich though (I was tempted).  Instead I got a grilled cheese with French fries and tap water…that cost me $8.00!!!  WHA?!  And this grilled cheese?  I think it was made for elementary school kids!  Hungry.

3:30 pm:

Ravenden!  I drove out of my way (2 hours that is) to go see this gigantic Raven in Ravenden…get it?  It was aweshum!  Of course, I believe that was the only thing Ravenden had going for it.  Poor Ravenden. 

8:00 pm:

Arrived in Eureka Springs, Oklahoma!  Why did I go here?  Hmmmmm…I can’t remember.

I pulled into a hotel parking lot (Stonegate Inn), walked into the main office and asked the woman how much a single room for one night would be.  She told me it would be $56 plus tax.  I told her I would keep looking, and thanked her.  HA!  No!  She wouldn’t let me!!!  She looked up (she was German with a super heavy accent) and asked me how much I wanted to pay…um…wha?  I told her that I passed another hotel that advertised $35.  So, what does she do?  She charges me $35 (including tax, and tax is like 14% in Oklahoma)!  She said she wanted me there and to be safe…I had not let her know I was traveling alone…it twas weird!  So, I check in, and begin toting all my stuff up to my room.  I somehow have a ton of stuff I need to bring into each room every time!  BAH!

While bringing my stuff in (I’m on the second floor and there’s a nice balcony that connects all of the rooms).  I notice a creepy dude sitting a couple doors down from my room and every time I looked at him he gives me this super wide smile.  Ohhhhhkay.  (sigh).  So I pack my stuff into the room, grab the beer out of my cooler and head out to the balcony to have a beer (I left the hotel in Memphis at 10:30 ‘member…I’m tired!).  Here I am on the balcony and I look over and this guy (the creepy one with the smile) has a Styrofoam cooler…I know I shouldn’t talk to him, but my beer was in my cooler all day (with lukewarm water…ice doesn’t stay so long when you’re in the South) and I just wanted a cold beer because it’s 97 degrees out and crazy humid!  Ok, I ask him if I could use his cooler for my beer in exchange for one of my beers.  Oh gosh.  I never knew anyone could get so excited over someone asking to use their cooler.  He almost tripped over himself and fell off the balcony!!!  Hmmmmmm…ok.  No problem.

Here I am sitting having beer, being relaxed and all and then there’s yelling from the other end of the balcony.  Someone is yellin’ “John Wayne, come here!”  Ok…either someone here is named John Wayne or the REAL John Wayne is actually staying at this hotel!!!!  WHEEEEEEEE!!

Ok.  It’s this dude.  Oh gosh!  AHAHAHAHAHA!

So now there’s this yelling weird fight between the two drunk redneck ladies at the other end and John Wayne (who is beside me).  And that’s when I notice.  John Wayne is creepy, but the nerdiest guy I have ever met!  Imagine saying “Star Wars” with the most amazing nerd lisp EVER!!!  And it’s constant, with the nerd laugh and the crazy lisp…do not laugh at this guy while he speaks…don’t you do it Amber!! 

So then one of the women comes down and plunks herself right next to me sayin’ “what chu doing here, baby?  What’s your name?”  I introduce myself to her and she introduces herself to me (Angel).  And somehow…she adopts me and stays on the balcony with me for the rest of the night. 

What do we talk about?  Oh, ya’ know, what normal people talk about, menopause, drunk driving, her accident while drunk driving, how her mom and stepdad are both dying and she has to take care of them, Rose in California.  You know, everyday conversational topics.  Of course I tell her that she should leave Eureka Springs because I’m pretty sure that being a redneck lesbian woman there isn’t very much fun!  Somehow it turned into me driving her to see Rose (Rose lives in the desert and does some sort of hallucinating drugs…or maybe ANGEL was on em’).  Rose kinda sounds like she should be part of the Manson family, but I ain’t saying that to Angel!!!  Nuh un!!!!  I tell her she needs to go when she’s ready…of course at this point she tells me she’s ready and that she’ll get her check at midnight (?????) so she can pay for gas.  Oh.  Good.  Yea.  That’s what I want, some crazy lady in my car for like 2000+ miles.  Yes, please.  I laugh it off and now she is on this thing where she needs more beer…she doesn’t really…trust me!  So she wants me to drive her to the store.  Nope.  Now she wants to take the car herself.  Nope.  NOW she wants to borrow $10 from me (she gets paid at midnight, which she mentions to me at least 6 times).  Nope.  And now?  I have an angry woman on my hands ‘cause I won’t lend her the cash.  I let her know that I am driving 6000 miles and I need all the cash I have…Angel!  Can you comprehend that??!!  Six THOUSAND miles!  Go bum cash off of someone else.  Oh, but not your friend there who is living in this hotel because she got evicted from her apartment, and not John Wayne who also lives here because he doesn’t have a job and you are supposedly supporting him even though he is just a (creepy) friend.  Oh!  And you live here too, huh?  What the heck is going on here???!!!!

Now Angel wants a “tilt” to be pronounced as teeeeeeeillt (all southern drawl like).  I ask her what that is and her answer?  Honey it’s just what it sounds like and you git em’ at the store.  They’re only $2.14!  You won’t need anything else tonight. 

Yes, Angel you are correct in a way.  I don’t need anything else tonight.  And why do you need $10 from me if a “tilt” is only $2.14????  Angel succumbs and says she only needs $5 then.  Nope.

Now she’s angry again and decides to ask me this: “You really won’t give me $10?  I’ll pay you back at midnight!  Why you being such a bitch about it?”  um….honey……..we already went through this.  6000 miles!  GAH!

Just then this Jeep Cherokee covered in mud screams into a parking space, two dudes hop out, whip off their shirts and go running toward the pool.  Yes.  That happened also.  But wait!!!!!  There’s more!!!!

They run back after jumping into the pool and start putting their shirts on when you know who (ehem, Angel) decides that she needs to invite them up to the balcony and try and bum beer off of them.  So they do!!!  They actually come up!!!  WHA??!!  With beer!!!  Why didn’t I stay in my room?  Hmmmmmm??

This is Kevin and Caustin (like Austin, but with a C), they’re pool hoppers and they have 4 more pools to go before they hit their planned out pool hoppin’ numbah.  Caustin is a redneck from Eureka Springs and Kevin is from the “city”…Kevin doesn’t have an accent, so that’s a dead give away. 

Of course, me being who I am and needing desperately to get away from Miss Happy Face here asks if I can pool hop with them.  NO AMBER!  NO!  Well, they got crazy excited…until I told them I was just kidding.  Waaaaaahahahaha. 

So off they go to hop in random hotel pools.

And once again I’m stuck with Angel.  And now she has a beer and John Wayne has delivered a straw to her, because that’s how you drink it in Oklahoma I guess.  Oh, and now she’s angry at John Wayne about some such nonsense, so I decide to take that opportune moment to escape and go swimming (because Angel thinks I’m koo-koo for wanting to go swimming!).  Perfect.

Thank goodness she decides to go hang out with her other friend while I’m swimming, so I can make a clean escape into my room!!!!  Phew! 

Angel also could not comprehend my trip at all and asked me what type of drugs I was on in order to go through with it.  HA! 

Oh, and the next person who asks me if I want to smoke pot with them or if I have anything on me or if I have anything more than pot on me, I’m going to punch them.  Yes.  Right in the neck.  Don’t assume that everyone needs your substances.  Some people are just naturally like this.  Sorry!!!  BAH!!!!