06/03/11

It’ll be normal again soon…promise…it will…but not today.

10:00 am
I checked out of Stonegate Inn as soon as I could!  So I arrived at the GIGANTIC Jesus statue in Eureka Springs at 10!  That’s why I came here!!!  Holy crap.  It’s very impressive!  They also have a 10’ section of the Berlin wall there…(?) AND they do live performances of the Passion of Christ.  Unfortunately, I was too early to catch it, BUT I did get to see Moses walk by me in the parking lot with a staff and Coleman cooler!!!  And sneakers!!! 

1:00 pm:

Arrive in Tahlequah, OK to see the Cherokee Heritage Center.  When you’re driving from Eureka Springs to Tahlequah you have to drive Rt. 177 which I believe is only for locals since every truck that went by me going the other way waved at me!!!  (heart)!  Wow!  That was the happiest moment of that day!!!!!!!

Tahlequah, OK is a lot like Bath Maine or any real small town USA, but dilapidated and sad…as are almost all the towns I’ve been going through…hmmmmmm…so I thought I would check out the “Historic Downtown”.  Yea.  That took me all of maybe 10 minutes and I got to see their town bum!  YAY!  So now I’m hungry and the only place that serves food only has croissants with cheese and this meat, this meat, or THIS meat!  Not just cheese.  No lettuce, no dressing, just dry croissant, cheese, and your choice of 3 different kinds of meat (cue:  Sam Cooke/Sugah Dumpling).  So I walk (after buying a $4 ice coffee in a Styrofoam container from said shop) and happen to stumble upon a health food store!  I go in thinking they may have some premade sandwiches or something that I could shove in my face, so I ask, and no…(pout).  The woman at the counter looks at me (I didn’t actually pout and then proceeded to state “I’m hungry” and patted my belly) and takes pity on me!  YAY!  She tells me that if I can find a burrito in the freezer that I like she will heat it up in the back room for me!  It’s a secret though, ok!!  Don’t you guys go telling everyone!  She’ll get in trouble!!!!  SHHHHHH!!!  So for lunch I had an Amy’s burrito and peach soy yogurt and ice coffee.  Best ever!  And then…I got out of Tahlequah, OK because they weren’t too keen on my kind being there…or they were too interested in it.

3:00 pm:

Arrived at the Cherokee Heritage Center and somehow managed to get the last tour (a private one at that because I was the only person there) with a REAL Cherokee!!!  He’s wolf clan (funny that) and he was amazing.  I don’t remember his name, but I do remember what clan he was from!  He’s also part Creek (deer clan).

I bought a book, which I haven’t opened yet, because I know Imma gonna cry through the whole thing.  You may know it?  Trail of Tears?  Yea?  Yea.  I’ll wait on that one!  As I was looking at the stuff in the giftshop another Cherokee dude walked past me, did a quiet hawk/bird noise at me, looked back, winked, and then continued on about his business.  I’ll let you translate that one, because I have like 3 different theories and 2 out of 3 make my head hurt.

7:00 pm:

Checked into Claremore, OK (Roy Rogers Inn)…because see now!  I got confused!  I saw Rogers and cowboy and museum and thought MOM!!!!!!!  I’m going to spoil it, but yea…mom likes WILL Rogers (with Trigger and stuffs) not ROY, AMBER!!!  BAH!  I was thinking of you mum!  Sorry I got the wrong cowboy. Oh, but if I hadn’t made that mistake I wouldn’t have met these charming people now would I??!!  Oh…wait………

So I check in, unload, grab a beer and head out to the gazebo to have a smoke (don’t read that last part, mum), because I’m that type of smoker.  I know ye’all hate it so I go out of my way not to be in your way.  Next time, I’m just going to stand at my hotel door and smoke. 

There are two dudes at the gazebo smoking and having PBR, so since it’s brightly lit and right by the main office I figure I’ll be safe.  And I was!!  Not to ruin the climax or anything, but I don’t want all ye’all reading this and having heart palpitations about me!!  ;)

So here I am with David (?) and Anthony (he’s English).  They’re from Florida and build playgrounds.  If you need a playground, keep this in mind: don’t hire them, they’re drunks and a bit weird (shrug) jus’ saying.  They did give me a ton of information on Oklahoma though…here it is:

1.      If you buy beer at a gas station or convenience store it will only have an alcohol content of 3.25% because Oklahoma has stayed (partially) in the prohibition period (that was from 1920-1921 incase you needed a refresher…it’s 2011 now).  “Regular” beer can be purchased at your local liquor store or Walgreens (WHA?) with an alcohol content of 6.00% or more.  Not that I care, but I was wondering why I had to pee so much!

2.      England had a 99 year lease on Hong Kong that just ended in 1997 (?).  Yea, I didn’t know that…I’m admitting to that now.  That doesn’t have anything to do with Oklahoma, but it was talked about.

3.      There’s pudding wrestling at the VFW tomorrow night.  And yes, I was invited to participate, and yes, I graciously declined.

4.      BUG RUN!  So this is what Oklahoma folk do for fun!  Ready?  You meet up at a bar (that night it was the one right next to the hotel), you have a drink, you place a target on the front grill of your car (yes, one of those bow and arrow shooting range targets), you drive 15 minutes to the next designated bar, you have a drink and maybe some food, then you drive BACK to the original bar where you are then judged.  And this is the winner:  Whoever has the smooshed bug closest to the bulls-eye wins!  So um…yes…the cops possibly find it very convenient to pull over anyone with a target on the front of their car…hmmmmm.  Oh, Oklahoma.

So here we are and these dudes are telling me stories and laughing and such and the person from the office comes out and tells us we gots ta’ evacuate the gazebo because there have been complaints (it’s 10:30 pm).  HA!  We got kicked out of a gazebo!!  And then they decide to blame it on ME!!!  Because they were quiet until I showed up!  Yes, may I analyze that one for a moment?  You were!  That is why I decided to come down and then BAM!  Testosterone! 

So we go over to the bar because I REALLY need a picture of this bug run thing (I get it!).  This bar is also the local bar, so there are some folks from town in it.  Unfortunately, I missed the end of the bug run (they had already come and gone at that point). 

I have a drink (since it’s free, because David is being cordial).  And we’re sitting there and they begin to tell me more stories and then all of a sudden David gets this look on his face and informs me that I need to watch my back in the bar.  WHA??!!  What did I do??  So David gets up to get another beer for himself (which he doesn’t need…) comes back and lets me know that he just saved me.  He hopes I don’t mind, but he let the dude at the bar know that we (David and I) were old friends and no, I’m not interested.  Huh?  David then gets all angry and protective because the guy at the bar keeps looking over.  Really now?  C’mon.  Leave me be, all ye’all!!!  David tells me I don’t want anything to do with…ready?...”that damn Cherokee, ‘cause he’s been in jail and all he wants to do is…blah blah blah”.  I had no idea that the hate ran so deep and pure in Oklahoma.  You all realize that you stole everything you have from “those damn Cherokee”, right?  Naw, I didn’t think so.  (sigh)

I get up to take some photos of signs (because they’re in the shape of Oklahoma and they say Budwiser on em’)!  Here I meet “Oklahoma” as he called himself and now I will from here on out be referred to as “Miss Maine” (said with SEVERE southern drawl please).

Now I’m back at my seat and David and Anthony start telling me jokes and stories again (cue: booooored now) and I don’t really know what happened, but another (much bigger) Cherokee dude walks up next to me, lays his hand on my shoulder, looks down at me and says “ma’am, these guys aren’t giving you any trouble are they?”  I look up at him and over at David and Anthony and say “No, I’m fine!  Thanks for checking though!” Cherokee dude is not ok with my answer and what ensues is a testosterone stare down that lasts a FULL 3-4 minutes!!!!  How uncomfortable is that??!!  GAH!

Stares are broken off and Cherokee dude looks back down at me and says, “If you need anyone to stand outside your door tonight, I will do that for you until the morning.” Wow!  Really?  Ok, yea.  Now I’ll get a little frightened, because either your seeing something that I’m not (and I’m really good at seeing those things) or you’re completely paranoid and crazy nice.  OR!  You’re the one I have to worry about now. 

I did say no to the door guarding thing.  That’s just weird.  Maybe?  Hmmmmmm…he was the bouncer there so that made me feel a bit better.

So we all walk back to the hotel, they still want to drink, I say no way bah-bye, then proceed to place my taser, mace, and phone by the bed and jam a chair up against the door.

They were gone by the time I left in the morning.

SAFE!

Betcha I get a lollipop from someone tomorrow…