06/10/11

UP! 

I’m packing my car to leave and this woman walks up to me (Anna).  She’s dressed like…um…like she went out the night before?  Is that the nice way to put it?  She’s all busting out the top and stuffs (snarf) no pun intended…it doesn’t look so comfortable especially for 8 in the morning!  So Anna walks up to me and asks if I could possibly give her a ride (she’ll give me $5) to go get her daughter.  I pause for a moment and say “sure”!  I mean, really…what can she do?  I’m in shorts and boots.  Don’t mess with me!  Ok…that doesn’t sound so very threatening, but you’ve probably never seen me in shorts and boots…alright, alright.  Tsssss.  No it’s not very threatening, but I gots argyle socks on too!  And like a foot of height on her…and my aqua braid clip and unicorn necklace on…So I tell her I just need to check out and give me a minute more to finish packing my car.  She thanks me and goes back to her room to grab her purse.  On my second trip by, this dude comes out of the room and thanks me sooooo much for giving them a ride.  Them a ride.  Um…nope.  I didn’t sign up for that!  He seems nice enough, but A) I don’t have room in my car for TWO people!  Where are the bears gonna sit??!!  And B) there is no way in hell I am letting either one of you sit behind me.  I cordially let him know that there is no room in my car…at this point they are both at my car and funny that, he actually checked!  Yea.  Unless you want to hold my clothes bar with my clothes on it or all of my plastic containers, there ain’t no room. 

He thanks me anyway and tells Anna she should just go.  Alright.  Everybody in!  Well, just you Anna! 

Anna gets in my car, looks around real slowly, looks back at me…looks around again and says, “are you a bounty hunter?”  AHAHAHAHAHA!!!  Awesome!  Yes.  (nods head) Yes I am.  Nice to meet you.  Naw…I just shrugged and looked at her dead in the eye.  She then asks me who I was targeting!  WHA??!!  Wow!  I can’t give you that information!  THEN she asks me where I was headed to next after my business in Tucson was finished.  Sheesh lady!  I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure these are NOT the questions you ask someone you think to be a bounty hunter.  I of course gave her a bunch of vague answers to keep her wondering.  I didn’t lie!  Nope!  I just didn’t answer all of them…waaaaaahahahaha!

So, then!  She asks that if her daughter is dressed if I could drop them both off at the Y!  Really?  You want me (a bounty hunter) to take you and your young daughter to the Y??!!  What is wrong with you lady??  No.  Sorry.  I have to hit the road.  She understood this…and that I probably had a tight time schedule. HA!  So off went Anna. 

10:40 am:

Tooley’s Café for breakfast!  This is right by Mast which is a shop that Mellow owns with a couple other people!  You remember Mellow right?  YEA!!  So I eat my delicious bean, egg, salsa, coffee breakfast.  Mast is still not open.  They’re late.  (sigh)  I decide to go into this used/vintage/junk shop to pass the time, which was an awesome idea, ‘cause I got BOOTS!  And I met two lovely women who own/work there!  They loved what I was doing and one of the women actually did the same thing in the 70’s only with hitchhiking and stuff.  

Back to Mast where I meet Tasha!  Mellow is apparently in Denmark for the week.  AH!  That’s ok.  The shop is lovely and well merchandised and gorgeous!

Time unknown:

Rest stop for gas and bafroom break!  So I get gas, pull my car up to a parking spot, step out of my car and head to the doors of the Love’s pit stop.  7 dudes hanging out right in front of the door having a conversation…

All conversation stops and two of them look at me with mouths agape.  Um…yea…I would like to get through here or Imma gonna pee ma’ pants guys.  One of them gets the hint (after I say excuse me) and slowly moves out of the way.  Hey!  Don’t have your meet and greet right in front of the door ok???!!  I think it was my rainbow socks and boots that got them all confused and speechless.  It does it to them every time!  Waaaaaaahahahaha!  It’s my secret weapon!

   

1:00 pm:

Downtown Tucson and this is where I meet up with Chris Kasper!!!  WHOA!  I went to high school with Kasper in Germany in the early 90’s!!  He’s still amazing and was very upset with me that I didn’t call him the night before.  Next time.  Promise!  So he’s gonna come out to Maine in the winter and teach me to snowboard for real!  YAY!  WOW!  I just had coffee with Chris Kasper.  I think I may still be in shock from this…

4:40 pm:

Hellllllloooooo Phoenix Arizona!  Oh!  And Zia Records!  Yea, I stopped in to buy some CDs.  I know I have a gajillion songs on my iPod and 60 CDs in my car, but I needed MORE!!!  HA!  I got so confused in that store!  Ehem…and nobody asked me if I needed help…mmmmm.  Hmmmmm.  What did I buy??  Oh!  The new Lady Gaga (of course) and Kid Cudi and um…Blaze of Glory soundtrack (that’s Jon Bon Jovi)!  YAY!

OMG!  SUE AUDET!!!!  AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!  XOXOXOXOX!!

Sue is amazing!  If you haven’t met her, well you’re missing out on one of the most vibrant and kind people of the whole universe!!!  I have a lot of those people in my life.  And I love them so much.  They make everything ok.

So I follow her home (she drives like a crazy person…whereas I drive like an old lady, so it was interesting trying not to loose her!!!)  I have my own room!  And bathroom!!  And TOILETRIES!!!  And snacks, wine, whiskey and JUICE BOXES!  WHA???!!  Ok, so yea.  I cried!  I’m and emotional wreck!  I haven’t had real human contact in like a week!  This girl runs on love, sun, and smooooooshin’ crushes, so after a whole week her energy tank gets a little low.

6:00 pm:

Dinner!  At the Loving Hut which only serves vegan dishes.  Wow!  Delicious!  And I’ve been running on chips, rice cakes, beans, corn, juice boxes and coffee.  Re-boot!!!!

Time unknown:

Back to her apartment, which is super nice!  She has a wee little balcony, laundry, 3 pools, 2 jacuzzis, and an exercise room!!  Oh!  Not all of that is in her apartment!!!  Just the balcony (um…which is outside silly) and the laundry!  HA!

We change to go out and that’s when I see my back.  Texas did a number on me alright.  Gross!!!!  Let’s um…try to see what we can do about that, k?  EW.

8:00 pm:

Rusty Spur in Phoenix, AZ!  Live country music by a band…oh no!  I forgot the name of the band!  Well, they’re these old guys and they cover songs and once in a while mix in some dirty bits with the real song…yea…sometimes its awkward! 

We’re here to see real live cowboys.  Yea.  What do we get?  Frat boy golf team.  Ugh.  With their pastel polo shirts, white or khaki shorts, and their flip flops or (snarf) boat shoes.  AAAAHAHAHAHA!  Ew.  One guy (not part of the frat boy crew) decided it would be a good idea to stare relentlessly and Sue and I.  Yea.  Sue is a lot like me…don’t chu stare!!!  She’ll get all mad about it especially if you’re sitting with a lady, dude.  Come on now!  GAH!

So, we’re sitting here at a high round table with 4 other chairs around it and this couple walks up and sits down across from us.  Seemed fine until I notice his water bottle, which he brought in with him…um…why does it look so gross, Sue?  Ah!  Just wait for it…blech.  It’s your chew spit container.  GGGRRRRRROOOOOOSSSSSSSSS!!!  Don’t put that on the table!!!  AH!  Don’t spit into it, dude!  GAH!  Yucky. 

The couple’s parents (we think) walk in and sit next to us.  They’re nice.  Oh, and now a little too nice.  The wife’s comment to me?  We’ve been married 28 years and have been living in sin for 3.  That’s why our marriage works.  Um…ok…um…………OH!  Oh!  Ok, see we don’t roll that way, babe sorry!  AH!  No.  Oh gosh.  But we talk with them.  I guess the husband is on the road a lot and it just works for them.  Yep.  Please don’t ask us where we’re headed to next.  Please don’t. 

Sue and I skedaddle outta there to check out Giligan’s which has a midget bar.  Literally.  The bar is tiny and there is a guy working it.  He doesn’t look too happy, but he’s gettin’ papers, so…I guess it’s ok?

Bunny rides!  YAY!  This is a extended golf cart that’s lit in neon pink inside that is rather like a taxi cab but all exposed and the guys just get paid by tips.  He has a bright pink shirt on that says Bunny Rides on the back.  WHEEEEEEEEE!!!  I got so esssscited about riding in a golf cart, that I had to inform everyone that we were in one while we were driving!  The people in the cars were jealous.  Yep.  I saw it all over their faces!  Or scared of me?  Naw, they were jealous.

We sit at the bar—oh!  the bigger one, and have a drink.  Pitbull comes on and ye’all know I haven’t danced in a bit so I start chair dancing, which is basically me just sitting in a chair looking like I have ta pee I think.  Laura sees me and dances over to me…who’s Laura, Amber???  Um…some girl…who saw me chair dancin’…yea…you know…I attract them.  She holds out her hand to get me to dance with her.  Nope.  Sorry, hon.  I don’t know you and there are way too many people in here for me to justify getting up and dancing with you since we would be the only ones doing so.  I attract attention sometimes, but I’m not gonna force attract it.  (shakes head ‘til dizzy)  Laura found some drunken dude to “dance” with…

Then we met this lovely guy (name forgotten, sorry) who decided to call me Ruby.  (shrug) wha?  Ohhhhkay.  Then proceeded to introduce me to his friends as Ruby.  Yep.  Ok then.  When do we get to go home, Sue?  Aaaaaahahahahaha!  Oh!  Look!  They don’t believe your real name is Sue!  HA!  Tssssssssss. 

Out.  We got a bike currier guy to drive us to Sue’s car.  Sue didn’t drink, don’t chu worry!!!  I asked him if he could take me to Alaska in his bike currier contraption because it was so nice.  He’s gonna think about it.  WHEEEEEEEEE!!!

12:00:

Bedtime, girls!  Get your sleep on!  We gots us a big day of hiking tomorrow!!!