06/22/11

So.  Drive!  And whenever you wanna (as long as you’re not on the cliffs) stop and play in the ocean!  Please!!!  And maybe watch some surfers.  (heart)

I’m on Coastal Rt. 1 still…yes…still!  I’ve hiked in the Redwoods today again.

And now?  I need to find a place to rest ma’ weary head.  I stopped at 2 locations, but they were both too expensive ($100).  The last one I went to, the English woman told me that I should head inland for something less expensive.  I shouldn’t have done it, let’s just say that.  I should have just coughed up the cash and hung out with her and her friends at the pub all night because she was super sweet and her hotel looked very nice…

So I drove to Santa Rosa and found a room at the Budget Inn for $50.  Well, I’m not sure it was actually IN Santa Rosa, but it was close…

I pulled in, walked into the office and told the guy that I just called and would like a room.  He looked me up and down and said, “well of course pretty lady!  If I told you that you could have a room, well then I will give you a room for the night.”  Clue #1—get out.  Of course when you check into a hotel you have to tell them how many people are staying in the room…which hasn’t been a problem yet and I haven’t felt weird about it yet…until that exact moment when I wished I had just paid extra to have me and my husband/body guard staying for the night.

He gives me the key and tells me where to find the room.  I drive around the side of the building and notice…um…1/2 of the building has been demoed!!  WHA??!!  You can see clear into the area where hotel rooms USED to be and it’s all cordoned off with caution tape.  Clue #2—get out.  Well maybe they’re just doing some work to fix up the rooms and the portion that I’m staying in has already been done (snarf).

I pull into a parking space and look up to my room:  2^nd floor, dead center.  Ok.  Let’s get this stuff out of the car and relax!  So I start to unpack and I hear some noise…I glance up (to the second floor) and see that 3 dudes have come out of the end room and are drinking on the balcony.  No big deal.  I’ve dealt with this situation before.  Just say hi and power walk right by them after flashing them a “HI!  I’m a unicorn, don’t f’ with me look.”  Because if you know anything about unicorns, you know that they are majestic and loving and kind, but they are also bringers of death and revenge…so, yea.  Watch out!  Is this the point where I put this in here?  Clue #3—get out.

So I walk up with my stuff.  Start to pass by, and silence falls.  It’s like I was the predator and the birds and crickets knew what I was and needed to shush up so I wouldn’t know they were there (‘cause I like to eat birds and shtuffs).  After passing one of them calls into the room (where there are 3 more dudes) and THEY all proceed onto the balcony.  Walk.  Don’t run to your room where you will be safe…um…

Unlock the door, dump my stuff on the bed, turn around to close the door and realize…not only is there not one of those door cracked open, you still can’t get in thingies, but there’s no frackin’ DEADBOLT!  WHA??!!!  Yea.  Clue #4—get out.

That’s ok.  I got mace and a taser and such and I’m 80% certain that those huge dudes (and yes, they were some very large—as in tall and built—men) won’t do anything.  80% certain, huh, Amber…them ain’t good odds darlin’!

Alright, so I’m going to have this beer and just relax.  If they don’t sense your fear they won’t attack, right?  Yes.  So I’m out on the balcony with the 6 dudes and I look down and there’s another guy in his car right below me doing something involving a lighter and a pipe.  He gets out with a plastic bag full of beer and canned items, looks around and starts to walk to the right…hmmmmmm…Clue #5—get out.

Meanwhile, I look to my right and notice that there are knit items on the railing (like hats and stuff).  Oh good!  A family!  Ok, I’m alright.  At this point in the story, please remember that I am in Santa Rosa California…got it?  Can anyone tell me what the heck a family would be doing in Santa Rosa with knit items hanging to dry on the railing at the Budget Inn????!!!  Anyone???  Yea, I didn’t think so.  Clue #6—get out.

A young guy walks out of the room to my right with another knit thing, wrings it out over the side of the balcony and drapes it over the railing.  WHA??!  Did you just make that and you’re pre-washing it??  What the heck is going on here?  Oh and then the waif of sickly sweet aroma hits me (because he just opened the door).  (sigh) ok.  That’s not a family, unless I just got transported back to the 70’s somehow.  Another guy (young) walks out and looks over the edge of the balcony, then an older dude comes out…and who should show up around the corner at that moment, but the guy who was in his car.  He starts heading towards these guys, stops dead in his tracks, looks past those guys straight at me and proceeds to unleash the creepazoid smile/leer/sneer right at me.  Yep.  Clue #7—get out.  They all stop and turn at me and somehow all give me the same look.  WOW.  Really?  Imma thinkin’ ye’all are zombies now, but you are walking WAY too quickly and I do believe I heard one of you speak…I think…

Alright.  Get back in your room, Amber and try to rig it so no one can get in.  Unfortunately, the stand for the TV is bolted to the wall and the table is bolted to the floor…really?  Bolted to the floor??!!  Is someone truly gonna try and steal a table??!  Ok.  So I look around, creep toward the bathroom and turn on the light.  This is what I witnessed in the entire room:

1. No cover on the bathroom light fixture and it was DISGUSTING!
2. Dried nicotine stains dripping down the walls of the bathroom
3. Towels stained
4. No outlet covers on the plugs
5. Fire alarm ripped ½ off the wall and missing the most important part (the alarm)
6. TWO holes in the walls…leading to…???
7. Carpet stained with unrecognizable stuff
8. Sticky area of carpet
9. Curtains ripped and falling off of the rod (these were also severely stained with nicotine)
10. Dirty sheets (yea, that’s hair and it ain’t mine…)

Clue #8—get out

So.  I did.

I packed up my car and headed back to the front desk.  The office guy was outside smoking and he seemed very excited to see me walking up.  I walked up to him and said, I hate to do this to you, but I can’t stay here.  I need to give you back my key and head to another location.  Well, it was like we were having a break-up or something!  He got all distraught and said “no no no no, honey!!  We will keep you here, what is wrong??”  Yep.  Clue #9—get out (Imma tryin’!  Sheesh!!)

I told him that the room was disgusting, there was no fire alarm, and that I felt unsafe.  I explained that I had been all across the country and had not once felt unsafe in a hotel, but that a first was to eventually happen…

His solution?  Put me in a room right by the office so he could keep an eye on it all night for me OR!!!  Wait for it……………………….I can use HIS room, since you know, he’s working all night and won’t need it and it’s safe there.  He even offered to wake me up in the morning.  REALLY?????!!!!  F’in REALLY!!???!!!  What the hell is WRONG with you??  NO!!!  I don’t even need any clues at this point. 

I told him no (controlling my temper) but that I appreciated his offer.  He then suggested that I try the next hotel over there (shared parking lot) since it was owned by the same people and they would take care of me.  Oh, yea.  That seems reasonable!  NO!  Then I asked if there was any possible way for me to get my cash back…since I had been in the room MAYBE 20 minutes.  Nope.  No refunds.  There’s a sign right there.  Manager’s not here.  Can’t make any exceptions.  Oh really now?  Ok.  Now I’m pissed.  Forget it.  Keep my cash (for now).  Suffer the consequences soon jerkface.  I tell him I’m going and he tells me to hold on a minute…what does he give me?  NOT the manager’s contact information but HIS OWN!!!  Phone number, email address, etc. and tells me I should call or email him!!!!!  Ok, buddy.  I don’t think you’re really getting what I’m telling you right now.  Your place is FILTHY and a DANGER and I’M PISSED. 

Out.

Time Unknown:

I drive 2 minutes to the Motel 6, which consequently, costs the same amount as the Budget Inn…(sigh)

I check in and tell the guy at the front desk my story.  He tells me, yea…the Motel 6 is a little better than the Budget Inn.  Yea.  Thanks.

As I’m walking out the door of the office a cop is getting into his car, so I stop him…you know, just to ask some questions like are there regulations for hotels in California, who is the Fire Chief of this area, what the rules are for no refunds for a hotel that you have complaints with, etc.

He gives me the information then asks where I am staying, proceeding it by this statement:  Whatever you do, don’t stay at the Budget Inn.  I won’t allow it.  It’s not ok for you to be there especially alone! 

Oh, yea?  Really?  Well, too little too late buddy!  I just learned that lesson!!!  BAH!!!  (sigh)

Side information:  The Budget Inn just had a fire (hence the caution taped off area) because someone fell asleep with a cigarette.  Good thing there wasn’t a fire alarm in my room, huh?  Tsssssssssss.

9:45 pm:

Scoot quickly over to the Bear Diner which is in the same parking lot as the Motel 6, walk in with a “oh, please feed me even if it’s too late” look and ask if I could get some food to go.  The son looks at his mum (yea, it was obviously a family run diner), his mum looks at me and smiles and says you are ok to order, love, then looks at her son and asks him to take my order.  I of course am crazy apologetic about it and thank them profusely since they close at 10.  I also go out of my way to thank the cook (who is also related!).

10:00 pm:

Veggie burger, fries, coleslaw, Budweiser, water.  Deadbolt, door latch thing, fire alarm, clean bathroom, clean carpet, quiet, no dudes.  Safe.

Lesson learned?  Go with Clue #1 and get out no matter what.

Second lesson learned?  Should have just stayed at the hotel on the coast with the nice English woman since it would have cost me the same amount…